Author: admin

Being told to “Think Outside the Box” when I’m in the @#$%? box all day!
Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind
me.
Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of
gunfire.
That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get
a piece of cheese.
Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.
Women: Damned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without comment.
Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants off.
23 power cords, 1 outlet.
Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
Can’t slam the door when you quit and walk out.

A frenchman and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said “There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.

“No problem”, spoke the Rabbi, “My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening.”

With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night, Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn.

“What’s wrong?”, asked the farmer. He replied, “I am grateful to you, but I can’t sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal.”

His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door.

“What’s wrong, now?” the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, “I too am grateful for helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can’t sleep on holy ground!”

Well, that leaves only the frenchman to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn.

Yep, you guessed it! Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow!

En el ej�rcito, el general llama a sus soldados y les pregunta uno a uno:

“Soldado Guti�rrez, �sus botas?”

“Me las robaron, mi general.”

“�Como, cien de pecho!”

“Soldado Echeverri, �sus botas?”

“Me las robaron, mi general.”

“�Como, cien de pecho!”

Y por ultimo pregunta:

“Soldado Jimenez, �sus botas?”

“En el malet�n, mi general.”

“Muy bien soldado, �y su malet�n?”

“Me lo robaron, mi general.”

Tape a chocolate bar to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know that the microwaves are escaping and it is time to have the oven serviced.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know.

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent ink pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

Olympic athletes. Conceal the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply running a little slower and letting someone else win.

Heavy smokers: Don’t throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you’ll have enough to insulate your ceiling.

Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.

X File fans: Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You’ll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously ‘erased’.

A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when visiting the Sahara desert.

Convince neighbours that you have invented a ‘SHRINKING’ device by ruffling your hair, wearing a white laboratory coats and parking a digger outside your house for a few days. Then dim and flicker the lights in your house during the night
and replace the digger unseen with a Tonka toy of the same description. Watch their faces in the morning!

Ford Ka drivers – Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgem cars anyway, so it may as well look like one.

Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving acrossthe road and mounting the curb.