A professor gives a lecture in the college. After the long lecture he asks:
“Any questions?”
A voice from the rear desk:
“Are the glasses free on your table?”
Author: admin
Eating Germans
Q: Why don’t Jewish cannibals like eating Germans?
A: They give them gas.
The Brass Rat
A man walks into an antique store, and starts looking around.
All of the sudden he spies a huge BRASS RAT in the corner. He falls in love with it, so takes it to the cashier.
“The rat, eh?” says the old grizzly cashier
“um, yeah…how much?” replies our friend
“Well, five bucks for the rat–but 200 dollars for the story,” he replied.
“I’ll just take the rat, without the story.” Says the customer.
He leaves the store, his precious brass rat tucked under his arm.
Soon he begins to notice that a few rats are following him.
He walks a few more blocks and the number of rats behind him increased. This continued, until there were virtually millions of rats behind him.
Afraid of this mass following the man ran to the sea and threw the rat in. All of the rats plunged in after it, and met their watery deaths.
The man ran back to the antique store. The old cashier was chuckling to himself. “So now do you want the story?”
“No,” said the man, “but have you got any brass lawyers?”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Calamjo
Spare the rod
A man whose wife had just given birth to their first child was visiting the hospital nursery to see his new son.
As the proud father was admiring his handsome baby through the glass partition, he could not help but notice that the baby in the next bassinet seemed frail and sickly looking by comparison.
Just then a nurse went walking by and the man stopped her for a moment.
“What’s the matter with that little fellow?” he asked. “He seems awfully puny and underweight.”
“He’s one of those artificial insemination babies,” explained the nurse, and he’s been coming along rather slowly, I’m afraid.”
“Well, that sort of confirms a theory of mine,” said the man.
“What’s that?” asked the nurse.
The man replied with a smile., … “Spare the rod and spoil the child.”
Yo mama
Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a parked car
Freeze
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Freeze
Freeze Who?
For he’s a jolly good fellow.
“Why is it so hard for women to find a man…
“Why is it so hard for women to find a man who is charming, well-dressed,
sensitive, and good-looking? Because all those men already have
boyfriends.”
– Anonymous
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?A: Knock on the door.
In a certain suburban neighborhood,
In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8
and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went
wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it.
Their parents were at their wit’s end trying to control them.
Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother
suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the
boys. The father replied, “Sure, do that before I kill them!”
The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed,
but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the
mother sent him to the priest.
The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he
sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at
each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and
asked, “Where is God?”
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all
around, but said nothing.
Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, “Where is
God?”
Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in
a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and
put his forefinger almost to the boy’s nose, and asked, “Where is
God?”
The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older
brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where
they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, “We are in BIIIIG
trouble.”
The older boy asked, “What do you mean, BIIIIG trouble?”
His brother replied, “God is missing… and they think we did it.”
Canadian, Eh?
There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada.
“You know,” said one of the explorers, “we should name this place we’re hiking
through.”
“I know,” said the second explorer. “We’ll each pick a letter and then make a
name out of that.”
“Okay,” said the third, “I’ll go first. C, eh.”
“N, eh.”
“D, eh.” And that’s how they named Canada…
A sermon about lying
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.” The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”
How to Make a Marriage Last
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in N.Y.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!”
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster,and electric bread maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me “In the lake.”
8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?”
The driver said, “No, jump in!”