How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool
Yours Fun Portal !
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool
There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide.
The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole.
This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn’t measure the poles while they were laying on the ground?
The Aggies replied, “we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long”.
For all you guys out there who just can’t figure it out, here it is: In the
world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something
she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are
subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects…Sorry,
that’s the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system.
Simple Duties:
You make the bed. +1
you make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pllows.0
you throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. -1
you leave the toilet seat up. -5
you leave the toilet lid down. -10 after the lights is out. -30
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty.0
when the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. -1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.. -2
you go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings.. +5
But return with beer .. -5
you check out a suspicious noise at night …0
you check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing.. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something.. +5
you pummel it with a six iron.. +10
it’s her father.. -10
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party.. 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking
buddy.. -2
Named Tiffany.. -4
Tiffany is a dancer.. -6
Tiffany has implants.. -8
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner.. 0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar ……+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.. -2
and its all-you-can-eat night.. -3
it’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the
colors of your favorite team.. -10
A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal .. -5
and the pal are happily married .. -4
or frighteningly single .. -7
and he drives a Mustang.. -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) .. -15
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie.. +2
you take her to a movie she likes.. +4
you take her to a movie you hate.. +6
you take her to a movie you like.. -2
it’s called Death Cop 3.. -3
, which features cyber-having sex.. -9
you lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ………-15
you�re Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly.. -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it….+10
you develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian
shirts .. -30
You say “I don’t give a damn because you have one too”…-800
The Big Question:
She asks, “Do I look fat?” .. -5
you hesitate in responding.. -10
You reply, “Where?”.. -35
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like
a concerned expression .. 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.. +5
you listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.. +10
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep.. -20
A Polak went to a carpenter and said, “Can you build me a box that
is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?”
“Hmm…” mused the carpenter. “It could be done, I suppose, but what
would you want a box like that for?”
“Well, you see,” said the Polak, “my neighbor moved away and forgot
some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose.”
what is yellow and smells of bananas? monkey sick!hahaha
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting
of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
“Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They
must be British.”
“Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so
beautiful. Clearly, they are French.”
“No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, “they have
only an apple to eat, and they’re being told this is
paradise. They are Russian.”
Men are like car spaces, all the good ones are taken and the rest are too small!
Never say no.
Why couldn’t the blonde bob for apples?His sister was using the toilet.
Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and then it was too late.”
Why did the seven dwarfs use Daz?
They wanted their little things to come up snow white!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Yo’ mama’s so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven!