Author: admin

• “Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!”
• Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins?.”
• When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, “Open Sundays,” the church reciprocated with its own message, “We are open on Sundays, too.”
• A singing group called “The Resurrection” was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, “The Resurrection is postponed.”
• “People are like tea bags-you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.”
• “God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.”
• “Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!”
• “When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright.”
• “Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.”
• “It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin.”

There were once 3 guys named Bob, Joe, and Jack. They were all
walking through a field when they came across this sign that
said: THIS PROPERTY BELONGS TO A HOMICIDAL FRUIT FARMER.
TRESPASSERS WILL BE KILLED!
The 3 guys ignored it, thought it was just crap. They were
walking for a few more minutes when suddenly they heard a gun
shot, they all froze and saw this little farmer with a shot gun
running at them.
He yelled at them, “Didn’t you see the damn sign?! Now I have to
kill all of you!”
The 3 guys were completely freaked.
“But I’ll give you a chance,” the farmer continued, “choose a
fruit and shove it up your ass, if you don’t laugh I let you
live.”
Bob went first, he had some cherries, he shoved them up his
butt, laughed and was immediately blown away.
Joe came up next with a n orange, shoved it up his butt, laughed
and was killed by the farmer.
The two guys meet in heaven. Joe asks Bob, “Why did you laugh?”
Bob replied, “It tickled, why did you laugh?”
“Well,” Joe replied stiffling a giggle, “because I saw Jack
running up with a watermelon!”

Resulta que Tom Cruise, Leo Di Caprio y Michael Reiziger se van al Cielo. Cuando llegan, San Pedro les advierte que no deben pisar una nube negra, porque les pasar�a algo terrible. Al d�a siguiente se encuentran y Cruise va con una t�a fe�sima. Le preguntan por qu� y �l les responde que pis� una nube negra y sali� ese callo que no se separa de �l.

Dos d�as despu�s, lo mismo pero con Leo Di Caprio. Y al siguiente se encuentran a Reiziger con una t�a de bandera. Le preguntan que c�mo se lo ha hecho y �l responde:

“Ella pis� una nube negra y.. �sal� yo como castigo!”

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with another woman.

After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.

She eventually ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Austalian outback. They end up getting married.

On thier wedding night, she goes into the bathroom. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the midlle of the room, naked and all the furniture piled up in the corner.

“What happened?” she asks.

“I’ve never been with a woman,” he says, “but if it’s anything like a kangaroo, I’m gonna need all the space I can get.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Editted by Curtis

Un d�a, una hermosa princesa paseaba tranquilamente cerca de un estanque donde se encontr� una rana que al ver a la princesa comenz� a decirle:

“�Oh, hermosa doncella, b�same y me convertir� en un pr�ncipe muy guapo! Ser�s mi novia. Nos casaremos en una hermosa ceremonia en mi castillo donde podr�s vivir conmigo y con mi madre. Cocinar�s para nosotros y lavar�s nuestra ropa, atender�s mis encargos y mantendr�s caliente mi cama por las noches. Arrullar�s a mis hijos y los levantar�s cada ma�ana para atenderlos. Te reir�s de mis chistes y me soportar�s cuando est� de mal humor. Nunca te quejar�s y siempre estar�s agradecida que te haya hecho mi esposa”.

Y aquella noche de estrellas… �La princesa cen� ancas de rana!