Author: admin

Gumor’s Orifice Confusion

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Gumor said to Selma. Selma can I put my finger in your bellybutton? Selma said
“No.”
Gumor asked her again Selma can I put my finger in your bellybutton? Selma
said “No.”
Gumor asks her again Selma can I put my finger in your bellybutton? Selma says
“OK.”
A minute later Selma says Gumor that’s not my bellybutton. Gumor says,
”Surprise, Surprise! That’s not my finger either.”

The Fly

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One day there was this fly flying about six inches above the water.

There was a fish in the water thinking if that fly would just drop six inches i could jump up and eat it

A little ways away there was a bear thinking if that fly would only drop six inches, the fish would junp up, and i could snatch the fish

Farther away there was a hunter thinking if that fly would just drop six inches, the fish would jump up and snatch the fly, the bear would snatch the fish, and i could shoot the bear.

Behind the hunter there was a rat thinking if that fly would just drop six inches, that fish would jump up and snatch the fly, the bear would snatch, the fish the hunter would shoot the bear, and i could get that sandwich in his back pocket.

Behind the rat there was a cat that was thinking if that fly would just drop six inches, that fish would jump up and snatch the fly, the bear would snatch the fish, the hunter would shoot the bear, the rat would get the sandwich, and i could get the rat

So the fly dropped six, inches the fish snatched the fly, the bear snatched the fish, the hunter shot the bear, the rat got the sandwich, and the cat jumpped over everything and landed in the water.

What is the morral of the story………….

EVERY TIME THE FLY DROPS SIX INCHES THE PUSSY GETS WET.

Manolo y Venancio est�n pescando,

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Manolo y Venancio est�n pescando, con una lancha rentada, en un lago. En cierto momento Manolo comenta:

“Venancio, �ya viste cu�ntos peces tenemos?”

“S�, hombre, tenemos que volver ma�ana a este mismo lugar”.

“Pero, �c�mo le hacemos para ubicarlo de nuevo?”

“No te preocupes, Manolo, he puesto una X al lado de la lancha”.

“No seas tonto, Venancio, �qu� tal si ma�ana no nos dan la misma lancha?”

Two Prawns and a Magic Cod

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Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One was called Justin and the other was called Christian. Life was good, except that the prawns were constantly being chased and threatened by sharks. Finally one day, Justin said to Christian, “I’m tired of being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn’t have to worry about being eaten.”
Just then a mysterious cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted,” and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian swam off, afraid of being eaten up by his old friend.

Time went by and Justin found himself bored and lonely as a shark. All his old pals were afraid of him and swam away whenever he came near. Then one day he was out swimming and saw the mysterious cod.

“I want to be a prawn again,” said Justin. “Please change me back!” And lo and behold, the cod changed him back to a prawn. With tears of joy in his little eyes, Justin swam to Christian’s house and knocked on the door. “It’s me, Justin, your old friend! Come out and see me!” he shouted.

“No,” said Christian. “I’ll not be tricked. You’re a shark and you will eat me!”

Justin cried back, “No, I’m not! That was the old me. I’ve changed. I’ve found Cod, I’m a prawn again, Christian!”

Bumper Stickers

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Here are some sayings that would make good bumper stickers:

1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
2. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet
engines
3. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese
4. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
5 I intend to live forever – so far, so good
6. I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
7. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
8. If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!
9. Mental backup in progress – Do Not Disturb!
10. Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
11. Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
12. Robin Hood was a terrorist
13. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it
14. Shake well before and after use
15. Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have
16. The light at the end of the tunnel is a muzzle flash
17. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
18. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
19. People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather
because it’s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle
gangs.
20. “Honk if you have never seen an Uzi fired from a car window.”