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La pareja de reci�n casados est� en el hotel m�s que dispuesta a disfrutar de su primera noche juntos. El tipo, que tiene un miembro descomunal, saca un par de condones y un tarro de crema que coloca cerca de la cama, mientras la esposa, que lo espera en la cama dice:
“�Ay que lindo! �Me vas a poner cremita?”
“Cremita no, mi amor, �te voy a poner morada!”
A small boy walks into his mother’s room and catches her topless.
“Mommy! Mommy! What are those?” He says, pointing to her breasts.
“Well, son,” she explains, “These are ballons, and when you die, they inflate
and float you up to heaven.
Incredibly, he appears to believe his mother’s story and goes off, quite
satisfied.
A few days later, the little boy comes running home to get his mother from the
kitchen.
Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Jenny is dying the boy screams.
What do you mean?” his mother asks.
Well, she’s out in the garden shed, lying on the floor with both of her
balloons out, and Dad’s trying to blow ’em up for her and she keeps yelling
‘God, I’m coming!!'”.
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.125. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say, “I think this game goes a lot faster with two players.”
There were three men walking through the woodsone day, and they
came across a clearing with a slide in it, with a genie perched
on top. The genie said to the three men,
“I will grant each of you this: whatevery liquid you shout out
as you go downm this slide, will appera in a huge glass at the
bottom and you will fall into it.”
The first man goes whoosing down the slide shouting
“BBBEEEEEEERRR!!!!”
He landed in a glass of beer.
The second man speeds down shouting:
“LEMONADEEEEE!!!!”
He lands in a glass of lemonade.
The third man also slides down, shouting
“WWWHHHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”
It had promised to be a sensational divorce case, with the wife accused of incredible escapades. Testifying before her own attorney, she projected an image of sweet innocence, told a tale of wifely fidelity and sacrifice, and was quite believable.
When it was time for cross-examination though, the husband’s lawyer arose and said, “Isn’t it true that on the night of June 12, in a driving rainstorm, you had sexual intercourse with a certain circus midget on the handle bars of a careening motorcycle as it raced across a private golf course reaching speeds in excess of seventy-five miles per hour?”
She turned pale but retained her remarkable self-control and composure.
Her voice was almost serene in its innocence as she asked, “What was that date again ?”
After a meeting with the Pope, Bill Clinton held a press conference
and announced that they had a very successful conference and had
agreed on about 60% of what they discussed.
When asked what they discussed, Clinton replied: “The Ten
commandments.”
Down in Arkansas, they say that custom has changed little.
Many a man still sleeps with a battle-axe by his side.
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?
Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Daylight savings time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? [NOTE: Geo.
Washington’s picture is on a quarter]
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How can there be self-help “groups”?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?
If cats and dogs didn’t have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you can’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it “chili” if it’s hot?
Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Don’t make a fool out of me – I’m doing OK by myself!
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None of your damn business!
10.Keeps confusing Paula Jones with John Paul Jones.
9.Close friends with Siegfried, hardly speaks to Roy.
8.Wants to rename the US “Hilaryland.”
7.Favorite book: “How to Get Along With Everyone,” by Marge Shott.
6.The Health Care Plan? Roger’s.
5.Has never seen identifying marks in Bill’s pants.
4.Chelsea originally named “Socks.”
3.Also requested women from Arkansas State Troopers.
2.Keeps Bill’s genitals in a little glass jar on her dresser.
1.Loves cattle; hates Flowers.
You ever based an argument on the phrase, “Well, tradition dictates….”