Author: admin

A man walks into an antique store, and starts looking around.

All of the sudden he spies a huge BRASS RAT in the corner. He falls in love with it, so takes it to the cashier.

“The rat, eh?” says the old grizzly cashier

“um, yeah…how much?” replies our friend

“Well, five bucks for the rat–but 200 dollars for the story,” he replied.

“I’ll just take the rat, without the story.” Says the customer.

He leaves the store, his precious brass rat tucked under his arm.

Soon he begins to notice that a few rats are following him.

He walks a few more blocks and the number of rats behind him increased. This continued, until there were virtually millions of rats behind him.

Afraid of this mass following the man ran to the sea and threw the rat in. All of the rats plunged in after it, and met their watery deaths.

The man ran back to the antique store. The old cashier was chuckling to himself. “So now do you want the story?”

“No,” said the man, “but have you got any brass lawyers?”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Calamjo

1. When you pick up the phone say, “Hello.” then wait for them
to start talking, put on a recorded tone in you voice, and say,
“If this is someone calling for Ed or Steve please press one . .
. If this is a telemarketer please press two . . . (after you
hear a beep sound say)Thank you for calling please leave a
message after the click.” Then hang up the phone.

2. When you pick up the phone ask who is speaking to you and if
it is someone from the other sex start asking about their
personal life and continue asking questions like “how are you?”
and “how old are you?” and advance to the final question “will
you go out with me?”

3. If the telemarketer is from AT&T start asking how much money
it will cost in the long run and when they answer say “Do you
use AT&T or do you just work there? Huh? Huh? Do yah? Do yah?”
and before they can answer say “Yeah that’s what I thought!” and
hang up.

4. If a kid picks up the phone when the telemarketer calls and
they ask to speak to your one of your parents say, “Okay, I
will, if you pay me five bucks, oh and by the way I take checks
or cash but no credit cards.”

5. If a kid picks up the phone when the telemarketer calls and
wants to speak with your parent say, “Please hold” and put easy
listening music and wait 5 minutes come on again and say, “You
will have to hold for 10 more minutes” put the music back on and
wait the ten minutes if the telemarketer is still on the other
line pick up the phone say, “How do you like it? Huh? Well you
waited for nothing because he/she isn’t home Ahahahahaha!!!
Sucker!!” and hang up.

6. When you pick up the phone put on a foreign accent and ask
the telemarketer to repeat every sentence over and over. When
that has been done tell them something like (if their trying to
sell you a vacuum) “So vhat it is zat you are saying zat you
will zuck your pro-duct . . . or vos it dat your product vill
zuck you? I am all con-fus-ed hhhmmm. I’ll call you back about
ze product OK. . Good bye now!”

7. If they call around dinner time say, “Can I have your home
phone number so that we can keep talking about your great
product.” When they answer that they are not allowed to say,
“For privacy reasons right . . . how ironic, your invading my
privacy, so tell your snobby company to stop calling me or I’ll
look up all of your phone numbers and call you in the wee hours
of the morning!

8. Insist that it is your best friend from college on the other
line and start talking about the good times you hade together.

9. When the telemarketer calls put on a gruff voice and say, “I
know what you did last summer” or “I know where you live”.

10. Go totally berserk and start yelling things that make no
sense.

En su viaje a Nueva York, Manolo compr� una televisi�n para llev�rsela a su familia.

“�Es qu� no hay televisores en su pa�s?”, pregunt� alguien.

“Claro que los hay, pero los programas de aqu� me gustan mucho m�s”.

Buckwheat attended the Million Man March and was motivated to convert to the Muslim faith.

His new Muslim name is Kareem-A-Wheat.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman