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A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone.
The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. The man comes out and finding the politicians, buries them.
The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man.
“So you buried all the politicians?” asked the police officer. “Were they all dead?”
To which the man replied, “Some said they weren’t, but you know how politicians lie.”
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have
lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.
u r gay ha ha ha
There’s this guy who goes into a psychiatrist and says “Hey, doc, you gotta help me out – I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee – I can’t figure it out I go back and forth: I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam”
— and the psychiatrist says “Look, relax – you’re just two tents.”
Q: How many Arians does it take to change a light bulb?A: Just the one. You want to make something of it, eh?
A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away,” the boy said. He was then sent to the principal’s office and the principal asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”He was sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands!” “Look, Dad. You scared the crap out of him.”
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Duh…. whats a lightbulb???
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice.
He had always hated Math, so, he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
He asked her, “If I were to give you $20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
She replied, “Everything but my earrings.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room asks the doctor if he’ll be
okay. The doctor turns to him and says, “Well, there is good and bad news.”
“Tell me the bad news” says the man.
“Well,” says the doctor, “the bad news is that we are going to half to cut
both your legs off.”
“Oh my God,” cries the man, “what the hell is the good news?”
“The good news is,” replies the doctor, “see that man over there? He wants to
buy your shoes.”
16> Auto mechanics who don’t ask how the barbecue sauce got into my engine oil.
15> Suppression of our e-mail addresses means we’re not constantly inundated by messages from humor-starved supermodels.
14> After memorizing those funny hurricane names, I’m always the life of the party!
13> Despite the revenue hit Chris has taken with the drop in Internet advertising, he still only charges us $2,500 a year to be contributors.
12> We only need to be half as funny as the Top Ten writers.
11> If it weren’t for TopFive, I would never get laid. Come to think of it, I never get laid anyway, but at least with TopFive, I can hold on to the false hope.
10> That all the dates from hell I endure will make a great chapter in my eventual VH-1 biography.
9> At long last, the glorious return of Alf to television!
8> Soft summer rains, the musical laugh of a child… and Britney Spears getting sluttier by the minute.
7> With all the valuable skills I’m learning, one day I, too, might become President of the United States.
6> The Statute of Limitations.
5> Well, you know that feeling of exhilaration combined with relief that you get when you pop a big fat zit?
4> Mom’s three jobs and arthritis won’t stop her from cooking up a 27-course feast and serving it to me on the couch so I don’t have to miss any football.
3> J.Lo took that needy, clingy Ben Affleck off my hands.
2> Chris always fixes hour spelling, grammer and punctuation so, we dont look stupid.
1> I’m thankful that I live in a great nation where I can still disagree with the government without fear of the Homeland Security DepartIPpa*)#^%#8000 NO CARRIER
Dios llama a Ad�n y le dice:
“Hijo, tengo una noticia buena y otra mala.”
“La buena primero”, contesta Ad�n.
Dios responde: “Te voy a hacer dos regalos: un cerebro y un pene.”
“�Fant�stico!… �y la mala?”
“Es que no tienes suficiente sangre como para hacer funcionar los dos al mismo tiempo.”