Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
Author: admin
Fire Blonde
There was a red,blonde,and a brewnette.They were taken hostage by bank robbers and taken to a factory. They went up to the red head and put her at gun point and said any last words. She says twister they duck and she gets away. They go up to the brewnette and put her at gun point and ask if she has any last words. She says flood they ran to high ground and she gets away. they go up to the blonde put her at gun point and ask her if she has any last words and she says fire.
Q: How many chickens
Q: How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Just one, and she’ll screw it in as soon as she decides it isn’t going to hatch.
Computer lingo guide
Keyboard – Where you’re supposed to put the keys so the wife can find them
Nuns on a bench
There are these two nuns sitting on a park bench but both of
them cant speak or hear.
One nun has her hand down the other nun’s knickers
What is she doing???
Lip reading!!!!
The Top 15 White House Press Quotes That Sound Dirty but Aren’t
15> “Bush had some face time with the Minority Whip last night.”
14> “The President worked late into the night, pausing only to eat rice.”
13> “Contrary to reports he’s blowing off environmentalists, the president enjoys exploring deep into our interior.”
12> “Ideas are important — and the First Lady sure has a couple of big ones.”
11> “As for the budget, the Bush trimmings will leave many hardliners excited.”
10> “Dick’s staff has right behind Colin during this painful ordeal.”
9> “Boy Scout troop 547 got to see Bush in the Oval Office today.”
8> “The naturally curious President has pushed NASA to probe Uranus.”
7> “…and I want to give it to the American people, because they’ve earned it!”
6> “The President’s staff eagerly acknowledged the First Lady’s return.”
5> “Thank you all for coming.”
4> “The President debriefed his staff this morning.”
3> “According to the First Lady, the President still doesn’t know the precise location of the little red button.”
2> “Steady growth in the private sector is crucial to our plans to penetrate abroad.”
1> “Loud opposition was shown by Putin during the President’s speech.”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]CIA Assassin
There was an opening with the CIA as an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to three men but only one position was available.
So the day came for the final test to see which man would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
`We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances,’ they explained.
‘Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.’
The man got a shocked look on his face and said,
‘You can’t be serious! I could never shoot my own wife.’
‘Well,’ says the CIA man, ‘you’re definitely not the right man for the job then.’
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun.
‘We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,’ they explained to the second man.
`Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her�
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, and then the door opened and the man came out with tears in his eyes.
‘I tried to shoot her but I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my own wife. I guess I’m not the right man for the job.’
‘No,’ the CIA man replied, `you don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and get the hell home.’
Now the CIA are down to one man left to test. Again they lead him to the same door of the same room and give him the same gun.
‘We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair, take this gun and kill her.’
The third man took the gun and opened the door and before the door had even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, and then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the third man. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said,
`You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with f***ing blanks. I had to beat the bitch to death with the chair.’
30 years ago
A man comes to a magician and asks: “Can you take away the most horrible
conjure?” “What kind of conjure and who has done it?” “It was the witch who said
30 years ago: “And now you are a husband and a wife” “
Cure For Unemployment
“So you think you could end all unemployment, do you?” asked the interviewer.
“And how, if I may be so bold to inquire?”
“Why, I’d put all the men on one island and all the women on another.” replied Paddy.
“And what would they be doing then?”
“Building boats!”
This pregnant woman got shot 3 times in the…
This pregnant woman got shot 3 times in the stomach while pregnant with triplets. The bullets went into all 3 of the babies. The doctor told the mother that the bullet will come out of their bodies at age 14.
At age 14, one of the girls comes up to the mom and says I went to the bathroom and pissed out a bullet. The mom explains the story to her daughter. The second daughter comes up to her mom and says mom i just pissed out a bullet. The mom explains the story to her. The son comes up to his mom and the mom says let me guess u pissed out a bullet. The boy says no i was jerking off and I shot the cat!!!
The Top 13 Miracles Not Mentioned in the Bible
13. The Plague of the Hickeys
12. The Parting of Don King’s Hair
11. And in these gospels did many sentences begin with the word “And,” yet the Net-Grammarians remained silent.
10. The Near-Perfect Slicing of the Pringles
9. Awkward teenage Jesus swinging a date with Nazareth High’s head cheerleader.
8. “Moses then parted the red cheeks and let forth a blast which halted the Egyptians in their path.”
7. First Try: Jesus turns water into Earl Grey tea.
6. “Water into Wine” and “Loaves and Fishes” were pretty good, but “Oregano into Primo Mexican Weed” was *truly* impressive.
5. The Supersizing of the Multitude under the Golden Arches
4. Moses’ mother letting him wander around the desert for forty years without calling or visiting her in Miami Beach even once.
3. Methuselah wedding Anna Nicole Smith at the age of 893.
2. Apprentice Savior Marvin helping a blind man to hear.
1. Jesus becoming a brown-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian, despite having been born a Middle Eastern Jew.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]Adler’s Distinction: Language is
Adler’s Distinction: Language is all that separates us from the lower animals, and from the bureaucrats.