This man could not get his daughter to scream. She would not even scream when she was mad. So a man put a poster outside of his house that said, “If you can make my daughter scream you will get $5,000!” A white man, a black man, and a chianeese man went to the house and took a shot at it.The white man went in, and the father heard no scream. The black man went in, and the father heard no scream again. So the chianeese man went in, and the father heard the loudest scream he had ever heard. The fater said, “My daughter never screams. How did you make her scream?” The chianeese man said, “Me chianeese me play trick me put hot sauce on my dick”
Author: admin
Lawyers & Assholes
A obviously pissed off man walks into a bar and yells “All Lawyers are assholes! Show Me a Lawyer, and I’ll show you an Asshole!” Another man walks up to the guy and says “I resent that statement!” The first guys says “Why, Are you a Lawyer?”and the second guys replies “NO! I’m an ASSHOLE!”
Womem’s Lament
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have
no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with
money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat
heterosexual, don’t think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,
somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and
have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy
and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose
interest in us when we take the initiative.
And yet, WOMEN are the CONFUSING sex?
Car salesmen are overused….
Car salesmen are overused.
I need to be able
“I need to be able to move the right people to the right place at the right
time to protect you, and I’m not going to accept a lousy bill out of the United
Nations Senate.” �George W. Bush, South Bend, Ind.
Traveling parrot
One day this bartender is cleaning off the bar when a black guy
walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender
looks up and says:
“Where did ya get that?”
The parrot says, “AFRICA”.
Una muchacha estaba a pocos
Una muchacha estaba a pocos d�as de casarse solo que el vestido le quedaba muy largo, as� que le pidi� a su mam� que se lo recortara, pero la mam� no pod�a debido a que se encontraba ocupada.
Entonces decidi� preguntarle a su abuela para ver si le recortaba el vestido, pero la abuela tambi�n se encontraba ocupada leyendo. Decidi� preguntarle a su hermana, pero la hermana estaba estudiando y tampoco pod�a.
En eso la muchacha se fue porque ten�a que hacer una diligencia, entonces su mam� entr� a su cuarto y le recort� el vestido, luego entr� la abuela y le recort� el vestido y luego entr� la hermana y le recort� el vestido.
Al fin llego el d�a de la boda y el novio y la novia se ten�an que vestir. El novio le dice a ella: “Tu te vistes aqu� y yo me visto por all�, pero no vayas a mirar hacia all�.”
En eso la novia alz� su vestido y mirando sorprendida dijo: “�Tan chiquito y tan arrugadito!”
Y el novio le grit�: “�Te dije que no miraras hacia ac�!”
Marriage Counselor’s Advice
A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, “this is what your wife needs, at least once a day!”The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, “Ok, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?”
Two guys in an elevator
A small white guy went into an elevator, when he got in he noticed a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black guy looked down upon the small white guy and said, “7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown.” The small guy fainted!! The huge black dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asked the small white guy, “What’s wrong?” Our petite friend said, “Excuse me, but what did you say?” The black giant looked down and repeated, “7 foot tall, 350pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown” The white guy sighed, “Oh, thank God! I thought you said Turn around!!'”
Poor Bill Gates
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ’95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before in your case; I’m going to let you decide where you want to go.”
Bill replied, “well, what’s the difference between the two?” St. Peter said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision.”
“Fine, but where should I go first?”
“I’ll leave that up to you.”
“Okay then,” said Bill, Let’s try Hell first.”
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. “This is great!” he told St. Peter. “If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!”
“Fine,” said St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. “Hmmm. I think I’d prefer Hell,” he told St. Peter.
“Fine,” retorted St. Peter, “as you desire.”
So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going?” he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, “This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can’t believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?”
“That was a demo,” replied St. Peter.
About old man
Why old man can’t walk?
because he got a walk sick.
A Train Wreck Waiting to Happen
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?” Tom says, “I would switch one train to another track.” “What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector. “I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever,” answers Tom.”What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector. “Then,” Tom continues, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.” “What if the phone was busy?” “In that case,” Tom argues, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”. “What if that had been vandalized?” “Oh, well,” says Tom, “in that case I’d run into town and get my Uncle Leo.” This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, “Why would you do that?””Because he’s never seen a train crash.”