Author: admin

Once there was a sperm named Bob.

When all the other sperm were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting weights.

One day, all the other sperms asked him, “Why don’t you just swim around like us?”

Bob replied, with a smirk, “Well, when the time comes, I’m gonna be the first one there.”

The others told him it was just destiny, but he said it wasn’t.

So, the day finally came when they were called upon. They were swimming along when Bob pulled ahead of the rest. Suddenly he stopped and turned around and headed back.

The others asked him why he turned around and he said, “Back up boys, it’s a BLOW JOB!”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman and Tantilazing

What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7? The wrong answer.

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, “I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed.”

Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this there were hundreds of Indians in various stages and different positions of making love.

Furious, he called the artist in. “What the hell is this?!” screamed the billionaire.

“Why, that’s exactly what you asked for,” said the artist smugly.

“No! I didn’t ask for a mural of pornographic filth, I asked for a mural of the interpretation of Custer’s last thoughts!”

“And there you have it,” said the artist, “I call it ‘Holy cow – look at all those fucking Indians!'”

A Jewish family invited their Redneck neighbors over for holiday dinner.

The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, “This is soup made with matzoh balls.”

On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the redneck man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple urged him to, “Just have a taste. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to finish it.”

Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup.

“That was delicious,” he said, but I was wondering…
“Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?”