Q: What do old women have between their breasts that young women don’t?
A: A bellybutton!
Author: admin
Never kick a man unless
Never kick a man unless he’s down.
Respuesta (cuando se quedaba callada)
Respuesta (cuando se quedaba callada)
Querid�simo esposo:
Me parece que has mal interpretado las cosas. Aqu� van las razones por las que no conseguiste m�s de lo que tuviste.
Volver borracho: 14 veces
No volver a casa: 30 veces
No volver temprano: 18 veces
Volver demasiado temprano: 29 veces
Se te puso floja antes de tiempo: 16 veces
Calambres en las piernas: 11 veces
No se te par�: 34 veces
Medio se te par�: 25 veces
Te la machucaste con el cierre: 13 veces
Ten�as resfriado y te goteaba la nariz: 17 veces
El caf� estaba muy caliente y te quem� la lengua: 09 veces
Me lo quisiste hacer por atr�s pensando que era por delante: 12 veces
Se te pasaron las ganas despu�s de pensar en ello demasiado: 36 veces
Te viniste en la pijama despu�s de leer un libro porno: 15 veces
Por cierto, las veces que permanec� ah� acostada simplemente, fue debido a que te saliste y te dedicaste a hacerlo con las s�banas. Parec�as tan entusiasmado, que no quise moverme y arruinarte el placer. Y la vez que me levant� y me puse a respirar agitadamente, fue porque en tus movimientos pasionales se te sali�… �un pedo!
Atentamente
Tu esposa.
Stupid husband
A woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband.
He glared at her lover and bellowed, “What are you doing?”
“There,” said the wife, “didn’t I tell you he was stupid?”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Soviet Sausage Joke #1
Capitalism, Socialism, and Communism have a meeting for tea at noon.
Capitalism and Communism arrive on time, but Socialism is nowhere to be found. Finally he arrives, out of breath and apologetic.
“I’m sorry,” says Socialism, “I was standing in line for sausage.”
Capitalism says – “What’s a line?”
And Communism says – “What’s a sausage?”
Dance
How do you make a Kleenex dance? But a little boogie in it.
OJs Clock
A guy dies and goes to heaven. It’s a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, “I’m not very busy today, why don’t you let me show you around?”The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a huge room full of clocks.The guy asks, “What’s up with these clocks?”St. Peter explains, “Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged.”The guy thinks that this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why that is?St. Peter explains, “Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock.”This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before leaving and notices one clock in the center of the ceiling. On this clock, both hands are spinning at an unbelievable rate. So he asks, “What’s the story with that clock?””Oh, that,” St. Peter replies, “That’s OJ Simpson’s clock. We decided to use it as a fan.”
Bigger In Texas
A proud Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. While there, he meets Aussie farmer and the two start talking. The Aussie shows the Texan his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large as yours”.Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.At this point, the conversation had almost ground to a halt when the Texan suddently saw a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “Hey, what are those”?The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”?
Earlier this summer, down on Lake Isabella,…
Earlier this summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
hour east of Bakersfield, a fellow new to boating was having a problem. No
matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t get his brand new 22-ft Bayliner
to perform. It wouldn’t get on a plane at all, and was very sluggish in
almost every maneuver, no matter how much power he supplied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, he putted over to a nearby
marina. Maybe they could tell him what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order.
The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the
correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to
check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
Why did the walrus go to
Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party?
He was looking for a tight seal.
When their numbers dwindled from
When their numbers dwindled from 50 down to 8,
the remaining dwarfs began to suspect ‘Hungry’
Johnny at the Zoo
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
When the day came, Little Johnny and his daddy got in the car and headed for the zoo. They were gone most of the day, and as the sun was setting, they arrived home.
“So how was it?” his mother asked Little Johnny.
“Great!” Little Johnny replied.
“Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother.
“Yeah, Daddy really liked it a lot,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, “especially when one of the horses came racing home at 30 to 1 odds!”