If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Author: admin
Yo mama’s So Fat
Yo’ mama so fat, I take a lap around her for exercise!
En una base militar de
En una base militar de Tontilandia est�n planeando una invasi�n y el capit�n informa:
“1. Volamos a 500 metros de altura sobre territorio enemigo. 2. En el punto se�alado nos tiramos del avi�n, contamos hasta tres y abrimos el paraca�das. 3. Una vez abajo, detr�s de los juncos se encuentran motocicletas listas para partir al punto X de encuentro”.
“�Comprendido? �Comprendido?”, grita el capit�n.
“�Comprendido!”, le responden sus soldados.
Ya en vuelo, se tira el primer tontiland�s, cuenta hasta tres, abre el paraca�das y, una vez en el piso, busca la moto, la enciende y sale. Se tira el segundo tontiland�s y lo mismo; se tira el tercero, y no se abre el paraca�das. Enojado maldice:
“�Puta, qu� suerte la m�a, lo �nico que falta es que cuando llegue abajo, la moto no arranque!”
10 signs to see if your kid is a nerd.
10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and
authority figures.
9. Is overly enthusiastic about ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ and other role playing
games.
8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture.
7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up.
6. Says ‘Whom’ instead of ‘Who.’
5. Is pleased when disruptive individuals are sent to the office, so that they
can continue with their learning.
4. Prefers NPR to any music.
3. Gets upset when there is a test or quiz that he did not know about.
2. Rooted for Deep-Blue in the famous chess game.
1. Must be pulled off bridge when not accepted at the college of his choice.
This sentence no verb.
This sentence no verb.
Depressed in bar
A guy walks into a bar, looking all depressed. He goes to the bar and orders a drink.
The bartender brings it to him and asks “Do you want to talk about something? You look kinda down in the dumps”.
The guy says “Well, I’ve suspected that my wife has been cheating on me for months, so today I took the day off work to follow her. Well, when I came home, I caught her with my best friend!”
“Wow, that must have been hard!” the bartender says “What exactly do you say to your friend in a situation like that?”
The guy at the bar replies “Well, I looked him straight in the eye, and I yelled BAD DOG!”
IQ
Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?”
The man answers, “241.”
“Great!” says Albert. “We’ll talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!”
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What is your IQ?”
The lady answers, “144.”
“Wonderful!” responds Albert. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We’ll have much to discuss!”
Albert goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?”
The man replies, “51.”
Albert responds, “How ’bout them Cowboys!?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
More Science Bloopers
Apparently from students who didn’t study…The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom.It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other places.Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.Mushrooms always grow in damp places which is why they look like umbrellas.The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.Thunder is a rich source of loudness.Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I never have been able to make out the numbers.When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.One of the main causes of dust is DIRT.A monsoon is a French gentleman.To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you should.Water vapor gets together in a big cloud. When it gets big enough to be called a drop, it does.There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because so many people are stomping around there these days.The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
You go to Wal-Mart to
You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.Your lawn mower has more horsepower than your wife’s car, but no blade.You roll your pickup truck and laugh about it.
My client(sponsor/customer) doesn’t know what
My client(sponsor/customer) doesn’t know what he wants.
CIA Training
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
‘We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!’
The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man for this job.’
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. ‘I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’
The agent said, ‘You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.’
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, ‘This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.’
The Top 20 Fish Dirty Movie Titles
20> Deep Trout
19> Free Your Willy
18> A Few Good Minnow
17> Debbie Does Dolphins
16> Blow Holes
15> Porca
14> The Devil Ray in Miss Jones
13> Ocean’s Sixty-Nine
12> Beyond the Green Dorsal
11> Spawn Wars, Episode VI: Return of the Salmon
10> The Unboinkable Brown Molly
9> Charlie’s Angelfish
8> Oh, Cod!
7> In the Heat of the Pike
6> 2 Bass 2 Curious
5> The Incredible, Viagra-Packin’ Mr. Not-So-Limpet
4> Goldfishmember
3> Grinding Nemo
2> A Fish Balled Wanda
1> Bang the Chum Slowly
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]