Author: admin

Really Stupid People A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film’s depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

What is really crap and really pisses right you off? All of the jokes on this web site coz hardly any of them are at all funny!

Q: How many Vietnam Vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: You don’t know cuz you weren’t there man!

Tres viejos est�n sentados en un banco tomando sol.

“Si es que hay que ver lo que es la edad… tengo 70 a�os, y todos los d�as a las 7 en punto me despierto con unas ganas horribles de orinar, pero no hay forma, me paso el d�a entero intentando mear pero no puedo.”

“Eso no es nada. A mis 80 a�os, me despierto a las 8 y lo primero que hago es irme a cacar, pero nada, que no hay manera y as� me paso el d�a entero, sin poder cacar.”

“Ah pero eso no es nada. Con mis 90 a�os, yo orino todos los d�as a las 7 y caco a las 8; luego, a las 9, me despierto.”

The curator of a Western art museum commissioned a local artist
to paint a mural-sized painting of Custer’s Last Thought. The
artist was told to make it highly symbolic of Custer’s mindset
during the debacle at Little Big Horn.

Deep in thought, the artist went to her studio. After many false
starts, she proceeded to paint an enormous oil painting.
Finally, after many months of work, the painting was unveiled
for the curator. In the foreground, a beautiful crystalline blue
lake with a single fish leaping. Around the fish’s head is a
halo. In the background, the hills and meadows are covered with
naked Native American couples copulating.

The curator is both disgusted and baffled by what he sees. In a
rage he turns to the artist and asks, “What the hell has this
got to do with Custer’s Last Thought?”

The artist replied, “Well, the way I see it, Custer’s Last
Thought had to have been: “Holy Mackerel! Where did all these
fucking Indians come from?'”

1. Piss on a tree.

2. Light yourself on fire, then run down a beach, screaming for
water.

3. Run into a firehouse, on fire.

4. Goto the nearest bakery 99 times, buying a donut each time.
Don’t eat them, then ask for a refund. See what happens if
they’re wet.

5. Goto 7-11 and ask the cash register guy for a cart, say it in
German then in Spanish, each time cursing him out in English for
not understanding his native language.

6. Light a torch and run down your street singing, “Goodness
Gracious Great Balls Of Fire” while dumping the liquid contents
of a can labeled “Gas” on the street.

7. Get a big crowd of people and say you are gonna do something
really cool. Tell them to shut up, and let the tension build.
Break the silence by farting, saying “TA DA” and bowing. Walk
away… you may have to run.

8. Run into a GAY bar and sing the Mr. Roboto song loudly. Act
drunk and willing.

9. Go fuck a chicken… no i dont know how…

10. Call mrs. Cleo and ask for a blowjob. Even females.

11. Play with matches in a shed full of Roman Candles.

12. Run into a bank with a water gun and say this is a stickup!

13. Drink the chunky milk in the back of the fridge.

14. Sniff air fresheners, with a friend.

15. If your a girl, act really seductively in a bar one night.
When a man comes up to you say, “NO I WILL NOT GO HOME WITH YOU!”

16. Steal a docters uniform, then go into surgery and act like a
retart… wait until they give you the cutting knife.

17. When getting pulled over by the police, ask for the magic
ticket for a ride in the pretty car.

18. When he starts writeing the ticket, use your writing hand to
wipe your ass. You have to use his pen.

19. Go trick or treating… not on Halloween. Act offended when
you are told it isnt Halloween. Tell them Saten sent you.

20. Smile at your hottest teacher all throughout the lesson, not
doing any work at all. At the end of the lesson tell her, “I
have new socks on.”

Estaba un hombre mayor dando de pastar a su reba�o de ovejas cuando, de repente, aparece por el inh�spito camino una 4×4 completamente equipada y nueva. Para frente al anciano y se baja un gal�n de no m�s de 30 a�os. Sobretodo negro, camisa blanca Hugo Boss y pantal�n YSL; se acerca al viejo y lo reta:

“Se�or, �si yo le adivino cu�ntas ovejas tiene Ud. en su reba�o, me regala una?”

El viejo responde con algo de asombro:

“S�, me gustar�a saber si adivina”.

Entonces, el joven vuelve a su 4×4 y saca una Toshiba Tecra 8000 con 128 MB de RAM; se conecta a la Red de Redes; baja una base de datos de 300 MB y entra a una p�gina de la NASA v�a sat�lite. Despu�s, identifica la zona exacta en donde est� el reba�o; calcula el promedio hist�rico del tama�o de una oveja tipo Merino mediante una tabla din�mica de Excel y, con la ejecuci�n de algunas macros personalizadas en Visual Basic, logra completar el diagrama de flujo del Microsoft Project. Luego de tres horas le responde al vetusto:

“Usted tiene 1347 ovejas y 4 pueden estar embarazadas”.

El viejo asinti�, y le dijo que efectivamente as� era y que se llevara su oveja. El joven tom� una oveja y la carg� en la camioneta. Cuando se estaba por ir, el anciano lo detuvo y le pregunt�:

“Disculpe, pero si yo llegase a adivinar cu�l es su profesi�n, �Ud. me devuelve mi oveja?”

“Seguro hombre”, le responde sonriente el joven, mientras abr�a la puerta de su 4×4 para marcharse.

“Usted es consultor”.

El joven, sorprendido completamente, coment�:

“�Exacto!”

Y mientras le devolv�a la oveja que hab�a tomado pregunt�:

“�C�mo se dio cuenta?”

“Primero: Ud. vino sin que yo lo llamara. Segundo: me cobr� una oveja por decirme algo que yo ya s�. Tercero: se nota que no conoce nada de mi negocio, porque se estaba llevando a mi perro…”