Author: admin

Mexican wedding rule

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Typical Mexican macho man married typical good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want – and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?”

His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there’ll be sex here at seven o’clock every night – whether you’re here or not.”

Going to the Doctor

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Two children were in a doctor’s waiting room.
The little girl was softly sobbing.
“Why are you crying?” asked the little boy.

“I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger,” said the
girl.

When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.

“Why are you crying?” asked the girl.

The boy looked at her worriedly and said, “I’m here for a urine test.”

Puppy Smuggling

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On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paperwork to take the puppy on board, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snuck him on board the airplane. About 30 minutes into the trip, a stewardess noticed the man shaking and quivering. “Are you okay, sir?” asked the stewardess “Yes, I’m fine,” said the man. Later, the stewardess noticed the man moaning and shaking again. “Are you sure you’re alright sir?” “Yes,” said the man, “but I have a confession to make. I didn’t have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy on board, so I hid him down the front of my pants.” “What’s wrong?” asked the stewardess. “Is he not housebroken?” “No, that’s not the problem. The problem is he’s not weaned yet!”

Onion Balls

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While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decides to replace the missing ball with an onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup.

“How’s your sex life?” the doctor asked.

“Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s relief. But then he added, “I’ve had some strange side effects.”

“What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously.

“Well, every time I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on!”

6 Legged Turkey

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An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together.”Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!”They all asked the farmer how it tasted.”Don’t know” said the farmer.”Never could catch the son of a bitch!!!”

Bill and Hillary…

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Hillary Clinton is not feeling well. She goes to her doctor and gets a complete physical, only to find out that she is pregnant. She is furious and can’t believe this has happened.

She calls the White House and gets Bill on the phone, and immediately begins to berate him, screaming: “How could you have let this happen? With all of the trouble going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!!!

How could you???!!!
I can’t believe this has happened!
I just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!!
How could you???
Well, what have you got to say???”

There is nothing but silence on the phone.

She screams again: “CAN YOU HEAR ME???!!!!

She finally hears Bill’s very, very quiet voice.
In a barely audible whisper he says, “Who is this?”