You know your in Pennsylviania when the tar patching jobs on the road look like sizmic readings.
Author: admin
Foreplay?
Q. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A. It doesn’t last long enough!
Q: How many unix
Q: How many unix programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Only one, but if you forget to tell him “2]” he’ll mash both the live and dead bulbs into the same socket at once.
Definition of Modern Woman
She drives a Red Sport Car.
She has a hyphenated last name.
She thinks Cooking and Fucking are two cities in China.
Where fools rush in
A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made. The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department’s work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. ‘That should be obvious,’ he responded, ‘the first thing we’re gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck.’
2 please
A guy from Wigan goes in a pub and orders a beer, bar man says “whitbread”?
Guy says “2 slices please!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
What’s your name?
Michael Jackson, late for court again today, you know, because of his bad back.
Well, you’d have a bad back too if every conversation you had in your life involved having to bend over and ask, “What’s your name?” –Jay Leno
Duck hunting
Two guys decide to go duck hunting.
Neither of them has ever been before, and after several hours, they still haven�t bagged any birds.
One hunter looks to the other and says, �I just don�t understand it. Why aren�t we getting any ducks?�
His friend replies, �It�s like I keep telling you, I just don�t think we�re throwing the damn dog high enough.�
Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by Calamjo
Losing weight
Sex is the most practical and
funniest way of losing weight.
Look how many calories you can burn:
TAKING OFF THE CLOTHES
With her agreement – 12 cal
Without her agreement – 187 cal
TAKING OFF THE BRA
With both hands – 8 cal
With one hand – 12 cal
With one hand being slapped – 37 cal
With the mouth – 85 cal
PUTTING ON THE CONDOM
With erection – 6 cal
Without erection – 315 cal
PRELIMINARIES
Trying to find the clitoris – 8 cal
Trying to find G spot – 92 cal
Without caring at all – 0 cal
WHEN DOING IT
Holding her up – 12 cal
Just on the floor – 8 cal
POSITIONS
Daddy-mummy – 12 cal
69 laying – 8 cal
69 standing up – 112 cal
Trolley – 216 cal
Italian chandelier – 912 cal
HAVING AN ORGASM
Real – 112 cal
Fake – 315 cal
POST ORGASM
Staying in bed – 8 cal
Jumping off the bed – 36 cal
Explaining why you jumped off the bed – 816 cal
GETTING THE SECOND ERECTION
Between 16 and 19 years of age – 12 cal
from 20 to 29 – 36 cal
from 30 to 39 – 108 cal
from 40 to 49 – 324 cal
from 50 to 59 – 972 cal
over 60 – 2916 cal
PUTTING ON THE CLOTHES
Quietly – 32 cal
Being in a hurry – 98 cal
With her husband opening the door – 218 cal
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Blonde and a turtle
What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
Once you get them on their back,They’re done for!
Lorena Bobbit for Surgeon General.
Lorena Bobbit for Surgeon General.
Deflowering the joke…
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, “Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?”
“Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose.”
“Wow, what does it look like after sex?”
“Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?”