I went out with this girl who was so black,
when she got out of the car, the oil light came on.
Author: admin
God made me
Grandpa and granddaugher were sitting talking when she asked, “Did God make you, Grandpa?”
“Yes, God made me,” the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, “Did God make me too?”
“Yes, He did,” the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.
At last she spoke up, “You know, Grandpa,” she said, “God’s doing a lot better job lately.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Bar-B-Q
A man and his wife were gardening in the back yard when the husband looks up to see his wife bending over to pick some flowers. He looks at her rear and then looks at the Webber Bar-B-Q, noticing that they are the same size.
He says to his wife, “Your butt is as big as our Bar-B-Q!”
She ignores him and goes back to her gardening. The husband can’t stand it so he goes to the garage and gets a tape measure and measures the Bar-B-Q and his wife’s rear and they are exactly the same size.
That night in bed the husband starts to cuddle with his wife, but the wife says, “Just what do you think you’re doing?”
The husband says, “I thought I was gonna get a little tonight.”
His wife replies, “If you think that I’m going to fire up this Webber Bar-B-Q for one little weenie, you are crazy!”
Top 10 reasons why studying is better than sex
10. You can usually find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left
off.
8. You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a book, you don’t have to worry about who else has opened
it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. If you don’t finish a chapter you won’t gain a reputation as a “book
teaser.”
4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.
3. You don’t get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
2. You don’t have to put your beer down to do it.
1. If you aren’t sure what you’re doing, you can always ask your roommate for
help!
Ben & Jerry’s Top 10 Presidential Flavours
1. Impeach-Mint
2. Big Banana Blast
3. Hyperactive Nuts
4. Chilly Hillbilly Vanilla
5. Pantstachio
6. Subpeona Colada
7. Peppermint Fattie
8. Captain Cream
9. Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Cherry Swirl
10. Rocky Road Ahead
“Makeout Point”
One Friday night, a policeman saw a car parked up at “makeout point.” Shining his flashlight in the window, he saw a young man fidgeting in the front seat glancing at his watch and a young woman sitting in the back seat and reading a magazine.
“Excuse me, son” said the cop, “but how old are the two of you?”
“I’m eighteen, sir, and” (checking his watch another time) “in ten more minutes, she’ll be eighteen too!”
In the bar
One day there was a black guy behind the bar working, and a Chinese guy walked up to him and said, “Give me a jigger, nigger.”
The black guy responded, “That is not an appropriate way to talk to someone. How would you like it if someone were to talk to you that way?”
To prove his point, they switched places. The black guy comes out from behind the bar, and te Chinese goes behind the bar.”
The black guy goes up to the counter and says, “Give me a drink, chink!”, and the chinese guy responds “No. We don’t serve niggers.”
Scenic
What do you call a prostitute covered in tattoos?
The Scenic Route.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Top Ten Reasons for Being English
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup
2. Warm beer
3. You get to confuse yanks with the rules of cricket
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5. Union jack underpants
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7. Puts you in with a chance bedding Lady Di
8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not
9. Ditto changing underwear
10. Beats being Welsh, or Scottish
Yo mommas so fat
yo mommas so fat, her blood type is rockey road
Name That Animal, Kids
A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up
a picture of a cat. “What animal is this?” she asked.
“A cat!” said Eddie.
“Good job! Now, what is this animal?”
“A dog!” said Eddie.
“Good! Now what animal is this?” she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, “It’s what
your mom calls your dad.”
“A horny bastard,” called out Eddie.
Stupid Elephant Jokes
How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Footprints in the butter!