Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Author: admin
Una mujer quer�a comprar un
Una mujer quer�a comprar un auto usado, as� que entr� a MercadoLibre y busc� en la secci�n de autos. En una de las subastas ley�:
“Mercedes Benz nuevo, azul, totalmente equipado. Se vende por 1000 pesos”.
La mujer estaba realmente sorprendida por el incre�ble precio as� que puso su oferta en la subasta y gan�. Despu�s de contactar a la vendedora del auto, se puso de acuerdo con ella para ver al auto y, para su sorpesa, vio que era un Mercedes en perfectas condiciones. La mujer le pregunt� a la vendedora:
“Oiga, �cu�l es el truco? �Por qu� vende este auto tan barato?”
“Bueno, es el auto de mi marido. Recientemente sali� de viaje con su joven secretaria. La semana pasada recib� un telegrama de �l que dec�a: Estoy en Miami. Necesito dinero. Vende auto”.
What’s on your back?
Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican,
and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German,
“What do you want on your back for your whipping?”
The German responds, “I will take oil!” So they put oil on his back, and a
large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge
welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, “What do you want on
your back?”
“I will take nothing!” says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and
takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.
“What will you take on your back?” the Amazons ask the American.
He responds, “I’ll take the Mexican.”
Your mamma
your mamma is so fat that she fell off the edge of the grand canyon and stoped before she hit the ground
Light Bulb 5
How does a blonde change a lightbulb?She says, “Daddy, I want a new apartment.”
Three Blondes at a Bar
A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a WW. Not knowing what that was, he asked the blonde what it was and she told him a White Wine. So he gave her some white wine.
Another blonde walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a RW. Again not knowing what it was, he asked the blonde. She told him it was a Red Wine. So he gave her some red wine.
Then a 3rd blonde walks into the bar, and asks the bartender for a Double7. Very confused, the bartender asks what that is. And the blonde says, “Duuuh! 15!”.
Micheal Jackson and Kim Wild
Kim Wild aqccompomied Micheal Jackson on his Bad tour that night there were two people doing kids in America
Knock KnockWho’s there?Cass!Cass who?Cass more
Knock KnockWho’s there?Cass!Cass who?Cass more flies with honey than vinegar!
Top 10 Ways to Insult The Elderly
1: You tell them that you went to the museum, saw dinosaur bones, and thought
of them.
2: For their birthday, you offer to help them blow out the candles.
3: On their birthday, you tell the fire department that if they see a large
fire, don’t water it down, because soggy cake is no good.
4: Explain to them that the reason that no one can see the Christmas tree is
because you put on every ornament that they got in their life.
5: Ask them if they got Columbus’ autograph.
6: Tell them that the reason that they got no birthday gifts was that everyone
had to pitch in to buy the candles.
7: Ask them if the Disney hit Hercules is telling the truth.
8: Ask them in what order God REALLY made the Earth.
9: Ask them if they helped God write the Bible.
10: Ask them if they personally knew Adam and Eve.
Cannibals
Two cannibals, wandering around in the desert for days without food, hungry and desolate, all of a sudden, to their delight, they stumble upon a dead human carcass, pristine from any scavenger, so the two cannibals sink their teeth into the dead human flesh, tearing it apart, one starting from the head and one from the toes.After a few minutes of eating, the guy at the head yells to the cannibal at the bottom, “hey, how is it going down there?”The cannibal at the bottom says “this is great, I’m having a ball.The guy at the top says slow down and enjoy it, you’re eating too damn fast.”
You Mama’s So Ugly…
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals”
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, “What a treasure!” and her father said, “Yeah! Let’s go bury it!”
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, they didn’t make a costume for her when she tried out for Star Wars.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say, “Damn! Is it Halloween already?”
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, the govt. moved Halloween to her birthday.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, her mom had to feed her with a sling shot.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone.
– Yo Mama’s so ugly, two guys broke into her apt., she yelled “rape”, they yelled “NO!”
– Yo mama’s so ugly, she’s like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run for the border.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, it looks like her neck threw up.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, rice crispies won’t even talk to her.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, she scares people even with the lights out.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
– Yo mama’s so ugly, I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said “Thanks for bringing her back.”
Why don’t [ethnic] women breast
Why don’t [ethnic] women breast feed their children?
It hurts too much when they sterilize the nipples.