Their are three rings that make up a marriage:
engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering
Author: admin
Trippin
One Day I Was Walking Down The Isle At The Grocery Store And I Tripped And Fell And Said “Damn”…hahahahahhaha
Copper wire
How was copper wire invented? 2 Jews fighting over a penny!
Animal Clinic
A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope,placing the receptor on the dog’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, but your dog has passed away.” “What?” screamed the man.”How can you tell? You haven’t done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!” With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly with his nose. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, “Bark” (meaning “dead as a doornail”). The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also carefully sniffed out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, “Meow” (meaning “he’s history”). He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The dog’s owner went berserk.”$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!” The vet shook his head sadly and explained.”If you had taken my word for it, the charge would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan…”
KIDS SAY THE MOST HONEST THINGS
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my
three-year-old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, Mommy, you are getting fat!” I replied, “Yes, honey,
remember
Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.”
“I know,” she replied, “but what is growing in your butt?”
Sit-ups
What is the best way to get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing
They’re hiring.
Q. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A. They’re hiring.
Heart transplant
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.The doctor said, “We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years.””I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,” said the patient.After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did.”It was easy,” the patient replied. “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.”
School dinners
“Any complaints?” asked the teacher during school dinner.
“Yes sir,” said one bold lad, “these peas are awfully hard, sir.”
The master dipped a spoon into the peas on the boy’s plate and tasted them.
“They seem soft enough to me,” he declared.
“Yes, they are now, I’ve been chewing them for the last half-hour.”
Submitted by Frodo
Submitted by calamjo and Curtis
In your Face!!!
A kid is walking down the road, when a car pulls up next to him.
The man in the car opens the window and asks the kid if in return for a sweet he will come in his car.
To which the boy replies “GIVE ME A FIVER AND I’LL COME IN YOUR FACE”!!!!
smart blonde?
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out “Merry Christmas. “If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.