Author: admin

Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers “241.”

“That is wonderful!” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!”

Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the lady answers, “144.”

“That is great!” says Albert. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”

Albert then goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “51.”

Albert ponders this for a moment, and then says, “GO REDSKINS!”

There was this sapling that didn’t know what kind of tree he was. He was growing up between a birch tree and a beech tree and thought they might be able to tell him what kind of tree he was.

First he asks Mr. Birch Tree and says..”Mr. Birch, Mr. Birch, I gotta know…am I a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”

Mr. Birch replies, “Well, i don’t know, you could be a son of a beech, you could be a son of a birch, why don’t you go ask Mr. Beech?”

So the sapling goes “Mr. Beech, Mr. Beech, i gotta know, am I a son of a Beech or a son of a birch?”

And Mr. Beech says, “well, I dont know, but I do know someone that will be able to tell you, I’ll call him up and he’ll tell you what you are.”

So, Mr. Beech calls good ole Mr Woodpecker and explains the situation to him. Mr Woodpecker explains to the sapling that he must take a nibble of his bark to be able to tell him what he is and the sapling agrees.

Well, the woodpecks takes a nibble and exclaims “My…you’re neither a son of a beech or a son of a birch but the finest piece of ash I’ve ever put my pecker in!”

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven.

At the gates, Saint Peter tells Ford, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your invention of the car changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven.”

So Henry Ford thinks about it and says, “I want to hang out with Adam, the first man.”

So the guy at the gates points Adam out to Ford.

When Ford gets to Adam, Ford asks, “Hey aren’t you the inventor of woman?”

Adam says, “Yes.”

“Well,” says Ford, “You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1) There is too much front end protusion
2) It chatters at high speeds
3) The rear end wobbles too much
4) and the intake is too close to the exhaust.”

“Hmmmmm..” says Adam, “hold on”.

So Adam goes to the celestial computer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results.

The computer prints out a slip of paper and Adam reads it.

He then says to Ford, “It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer, more men are riding my invention than yours.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

Dos madres se encuentran por la calle y una le dice a otra:

“Hola �qu� tal est�s?”

Y responde la otra:

“Yo bien, pero a mi hijo le han detectado sida.”

Y la otra le dice alarmada:

“�Y c�mo lo llevais?”

“Pues con mucho amor y pizza.”

“�Pizza?”

“S�, es que es lo �nico que pasa por debajo de la puerta.”

One day there was a black guy behind the bar working, and a Chinese guy walked up to him and said, “Give me a jigger, nigger.”

The black guy responded, “That is not an appropriate way to talk to someone. How would you like it if someone were to talk to you that way?”

To prove his point, they switched places. The black guy comes out from behind the bar, and te Chinese goes behind the bar.”

The black guy goes up to the counter and says, “Give me a drink, chink!”, and the chinese guy responds “No. We don’t serve niggers.”