Forget the meaning of life…

Forget the meaning of life…we’re stuck on these questions!:

Do pediatricians play minature golf on Wednesdays?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If all the world’s a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If one syncronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

joke

1.A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well and
she enjoys showing off her new look. She goes to the newsstand
and asks the man, ”Sir, how old do you think I am”? The man
replies ”You’re 30, right?” She says ”No, I’m 47, but nice
try.” The next day, she goes to McDonald’s. She orders her
lunch and asks the young man at the counter, ”How old do you
think I am?” The man replies, ”You’re 37, right?” The lady
says ”No, I’m 47, but good guess.” After lunch, she gets on
the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is. He
replies ”Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my
hand down her panties.” So, quietly and quickly, she lets him
do so. He thinks a moment and announces, ”You’re 47!” The
lady, astonished, asks, ”How did you know?” The old man
replies ”I was standing right behind you at McDonald’s.”

Heart Transplant for a Prostitute

A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.The woman, concerned about her friend’s welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said, “Doctor, I’m worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?”The doctor replied, “Well, she’s 34 years old and is in extremely good health, apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?”The patient’s friend replied, “She’s been working since she was 18 years old, but what’s that got to do with anything?””Well,” said the doctor, “if she’s been working for 16 years and hasn’t rejected an organ, I don’t think she’s about to start now!”

Bush as President

George W. Bush was thrilled at finally being able to spend his first night in the White House, but something very strange happened. On the very first night, he was awakened by George Washington’s ghost. Bush asked the ghost, “President Washington, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?”

“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised Washington.

With all the excitement of the White House, Bush still couldn’t sleep well, and then, later on that night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. “Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Bush asked.

“Cut taxes and reduce the size of the government,” Jefferson answered.

Bush still couldn’t sleep well, so much later, on the same night he saw another ghostly figure moving in the shadows.

It was Abraham Lincoln’s ghost.

“Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Bush asked.

Lincoln replied, “Go see a play.”

A Right Wing Conspiracy Plan

Now stories in DC are rife,
With rumors of Bill�s private life.
Trouble is brewing.
He won�t stop his screwing,
And none of it�s with his dear wife.

They say that his member is bent.
Such talk of the President!!
But none can agree
To what degree,
And in which direction it went.

If you�ve ever seen Hillary�s pan,
It�s hard to place blame on the man.
But as to his member,
She cannot remember.
It�s never been part of her plan.

For the Pres. oral was preferential.
The scene didn�t look presidential,
The Chief was quite pleased,
To have the Aide on her knees,
In a shot that would prove consequential.

Old Bill had his hand on her head.
He looked in her eyes and he said,
“I feel like a winner,
And not a real sinner.
Can you sing me a song while you�re fed.”

She nodded and broke into song.
She sang like nothing was wrong,
In a spectacular manner,
The Star Spangled Banner,
While keeping both lips on his dong.

And then there�s the stain on the dress,
That�s put Bill under some stress.
Should he deny it,
The facts sure imply it,
Her mouth couldn�t hold the excess.

Or was it a whole different matter?
Dismissed as being tabloid tatter,
Was the president wearing,
The dress she was sharing,
Cross-dressing while spilling his batter?

For an intern she�s a hell of a girl.
Bill told her, “it�s only a whirl,
And I�ll never confess,
to this whole nasty mess,
If ever your lips do unfurl.”

Now Slick is a real miracle man.
The polls show if anyone can,
He can stick it in double,
And come out of trouble,
It�s a Right Wing conspiracy plan.