“�Ma�ana los quiero a todos

“�Ma�ana los quiero a todos aqu� a las 6:00 A.M. sin pretextos!” les decia el general del 4o regimiento de caballer�a a sus soldados.

Al d�a siguiente, a la hora se�alada, �no hab�a llegado nadie! El general estaba furioso, cuando ve que viene uno de sus soldados a pie.

“�Qu� le paso?, �les dije que a las 6:00!”

“S�, mi general, pero ven�a en mi caballo y que mete la pata en un pozo y se le quebr� la pata, y no me qued� m�s remedio que matarlo y dejarlo en el camino y venirme a pie.”

“�Ah, caray! No, pos p�sele.”

Otro soldado que ven�a atr�s escuch� el pretexto del caballo y cuando llega con el general:

“F�jese mi general que yo ven�a en mi caballo, pero lo mordi� una v�bora y se me muri� en el camino y yo me vine a pie.”

Otro soldado: “Fijese mi general que ven�a en mi yegua y se puso a dar a luz y la dej� en el camino y me tuve que venir caminando.”

Y todos los soldados que llegaban daban el pretexto del caballo, y el general m�s se iba encabronando.

“�A ver usted!, �por qu� lleg� tarde?”

“F�jese mi general, que ven�a en mi caballo, y que le da la encefalitis equina, y se me muere en el camino y me tuve que venir a pie.”

“�Me lleva la chingada! �Pr�ximo cabr�n que me salga conque le pas� algo a su caballo, lo mando fusilar!”

En eso llega el soldado Pepito.

“�Usted!, soldado Pepito, �por qu� llega tarde? �No vaya a salir con el pretexto del caballo!”

“No, mi general, yo ven�a a toda a madre en mi camioneta, pero el camino estaba hasta la chingada de caballos muertos, y no pude pasar, as� que dej� la camioneta y me vine a pie!”

Penguins &Seals

There was a penguin that was driving his car on a hot summer day, and his car broke down, luckily he was right near a gas station. The penguin stopped and the machanic said he could fix it, but it would be awhile. So the penguin went inside and bought a vanilla icecream cone.The penguins vanilla ice cream melted all over him, so when he was done he cleaned his hands and went to check on his car. When he got out there he asked the machinic if he knew what was wrong with his car, the machanic looked at him and said ” I think you blew a seal.” And the penguin said, ” Oh no, that just the vanilla ice cream.”

Blonde Overboard

There is a blonde on the side of the road and two guys stop and say need a lift?She replies saying sure take me anywhere so she hops in the back of truck.Well the guys are going down the road and a truck is heading straight for them trying to crash them.They then run off the bridge they were on and fall into the water.The two boys get out but when they looked back there was only bubbles. Oh no! they cried. The blonde had not gotten out of the back yet.All of sudden the blonde shoots out of the water.The boys start saying thank goodness and all. Then one asks, not to be rude but what took you so long?The Blonde grinned and said I couldn’t get the Tail gate open!!!

The Top 20 Concert Lineups We’d Like to See

20> Ben Folds 5/Cardigans

19> Suicidal Tendencies/The Fall/Pavement/Wham!/Pulp

18> Lords of the New Church/Jesus Jones: Kool-Aid presents the Guyana Relief Tour

17> Talking Heads/Simple Minds

16> The Dixie Chicks/Bush

15> Red Hot Chili Peppers/Flaming Lips/Hole

14> XTC/Morphine/Jane’s Addiction

13> The Beatles/The Crickets/Adam Ant/Black Flag

12> Dolly Parton/Mountain

11> No Doubt/Gorillaz/Blow Monkeys/Better Than Ezra

10> Phish/Taco

9> Nickelback/Quarterflash/50 Cent/Johnny Cash/Eddie Money: Dollarpalooza

8> Loverboy/Supertramp/The Motels/The Police

7> Yes/No Doubt

6> Bush/America/Asleep at the Wheel/Ludacris

5> The Carpenters/Tool/Hammer/Nine Inch Nails: The Handyman Tour

4> Jesus Jones/Nine Inch Nails

3> Korn/Hole: The Last Exit Tour

2> Meatloaf/Korn/Cake: The Swanson’s Hungry Man Tour

1> Matchbox Twenty/Firehouse/Great White

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]