Your momma is like a board, flat on all sides and easy to nail.
Author: admin
Blonde and Plane
Q:If a black man,a white man,an asian man,
a hispanic man,and a schitsofrinic blonde
jup out of a plane at the same time, who would hit the ground first?
A:The schitsofrinic blonde with her five
sences.
Ben & Jerry’s Top 10 Presidential Flavours
1. Impeach-Mint
2. Big Banana Blast
3. Hyperactive Nuts
4. Chilly Hillbilly Vanilla
5. Pantstachio
6. Subpeona Colada
7. Peppermint Fattie
8. Captain Cream
9. Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Cherry Swirl
10. Rocky Road Ahead
Wanna Make $$$ Fast?
Are you interested in making $$$$ fast?Here’s an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now!Follow this simple procedure:1) Hold down the SHIFT key.2) While still holding down the SHIFT key, Hit the “4” key on your keyboard four times
Dyn-o-mite
A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, ‘See that, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!’ She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder’s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, ‘See those, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!’ She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, ‘Why are you in such a hurry to go?’ She replies, ‘With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!’
Light travels faster than sound.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs? When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder Why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting? Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
Stupid Elephant Jokes
How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Footprints in the butter!
Top Ten Reasons for Being English
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup
2. Warm beer
3. You get to confuse yanks with the rules of cricket
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5. Union jack underpants
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7. Puts you in with a chance bedding Lady Di
8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not
9. Ditto changing underwear
10. Beats being Welsh, or Scottish
In the bar
One day there was a black guy behind the bar working, and a Chinese guy walked up to him and said, “Give me a jigger, nigger.”
The black guy responded, “That is not an appropriate way to talk to someone. How would you like it if someone were to talk to you that way?”
To prove his point, they switched places. The black guy comes out from behind the bar, and te Chinese goes behind the bar.”
The black guy goes up to the counter and says, “Give me a drink, chink!”, and the chinese guy responds “No. We don’t serve niggers.”
Yo mama is so ugly
Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
A very faithful woman
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout “PRAISE THE LORD!”Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!”Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted “PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!”The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, “PRAISE THE LORD.”The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.”The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, “PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!”
Top 10 reasons why studying is better than sex
10. You can usually find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left
off.
8. You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a book, you don’t have to worry about who else has opened
it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. If you don’t finish a chapter you won’t gain a reputation as a “book
teaser.”
4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.
3. You don’t get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
2. You don’t have to put your beer down to do it.
1. If you aren’t sure what you’re doing, you can always ask your roommate for
help!