Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?A: Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes.
Author: admin
Any argument carried far enough
Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.
The Real Cinderella Story
The story takes off where Cinderella just got yelled at by her step-mother, then her fairy godmother comes to her aid.
The fairy godmother says, “I can make you a new dress and give you everything you need to go to the ball… on two conditions!”
“Anything, ” says Cinderella, “anything!”
“Okay the first condition is you have to wear a diaphram. The second condition is you have to be back by 2:00 AM or else your diaphram will turn into a pumpkin,” says the fairy godmother.
So Cinderella goes to the ball and the fairy godmother just waits and waits and then it gets to be 2:00AM, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00 and Cinderella’s still not back. Then Cinderella finally shows up and the fairy godmother is astonished as to Cinderella’s appearence… no pumpkin!
The godmother asks Cinderella who she was with for she had no idea of a man with such power.
Then Cinderella replies, “Peter, Peter something or other?”
Q: How many rec.humour
Q: How many rec.humour posters does it take to change a lightbulb?A: 31. One to change the lightbulb and thirty to flame them for picking the wrong wattage. No, better make that 32 … Captain Nitpick will want to point out that the newsgroup is rec.humor (US spelling) *not* rec.humour.
Est� un ventr�locuo en una
Est� un ventr�locuo en una fiesta de ni�os y empieza con su rutina:
“Oye, pepito (le dice al mu�eco), �sabes si hay alguien de Tontilandia en la fiesta?”
Y el mu�eco responde:
“�Para qu�, para contarles tus chistes dos veces para que los entiendan?”
En eso que un Tontiland�s se para al fondo de la sala y grita:
“Hombre, �pero por que nos tiran de tontos a los de Tontilandia?”
El ventr�locuo se disculpa inmediatamente diciendo:
“Perd�n se�or, no sab�a que estaba usted aqu�.”
Y el tipo le contesta:
“�Hombre, no seas bestia, que le estoy hablando al ni�o que tienes en las piernas!”
Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his…
Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A. Where is my tractor?
The Grip
Q: What’s the difference between pink and purple?
A: The grip!!!!!
Change
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Yo mamma…
yo mama like a bag of potato chips
fri-to-lay
yo mama like a tv even a 2 year old can turn
her on.
yo mama like a shotgun one cock and she
blows.
yo mama so slutty she can suck start a
harley.
yo mama like home depot 4 cents a screw.
yo mama so dark she has to wear white gloves
when she eats a tootsie roll so she doesn’t
eat her fingers.
yo mama so dark she spits yoo-hoo.
yo mama so bald she gets brainwashed every
time she showers.
yo mama so hairy they filmed gorillas in the
mist in her shower.
yo mama like a screen door, old, banged up
and loose.
yo mama so fat she puts on lipstick with a
paint roller.
yo mama so poor she can’t afford to pay
attention.
yo mama so fat you gotta roll over twice to
get off her.
yo mama so fat she got her own area code.
yo mama so fat she uses a vcr for a beeper.
yo mama teeth so yellow i cant believe its
not butter.
yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to
watch 60 minutes.
yo mama so little she can hoola hoop with a
cheerio.
yo mama so little she can hang glide on a
dorito.
yo mama so short you can see her feet on her
drivers license.
yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and
turned it into 4 quarters.
yo mama so old i told her to act her age and
the bitch died.
yo mama so stupid she went into the zoo and
started singin “we are family”.
yo mama so stupid she sits on the tv and
watches the couch.
yo mama so fat she got more chins than a
chinese phone book.
yo mama so fat she got more rolls than a
bakery.
yo mama so fat she put on her yellow jacket
and people started callin out taxi.
yo mama so poor i stepped in her house and
tripped over the back yard fence.
yo mama so greasy she uses bacon as a
band-aid.
yo mama so greasy she sweats crisco.
yo mama like a door nob every one gets a
turn.
yo mama so stupid she locked herself in the
bath room and peed her pants.
yo mama so dirty she wipes her feet to go
outside.
yo mama so fat she stepped of a curb and
went straight to hell.
yo mama so hairy you were born with rug
burn.
yo mama breath so stank whenever she talks
her teeth duck for cover.
yo mamma is so fat that she has to take a bath in the niagra falls.
yo mamma is like a lemonade stad 10 per squeeze.
yo mamma is so fat when she wheres a blue t shirt the air plane crashes into her.
yo mamma is so fat she uses a satelite for a beeper.
(day after haloween.)yo mamma is so ugly every one says its already haloween?
yo mamma is so ugly a person discovers her a animal
A fisherman
Standing at the edge of the lake, a fisherman saw a woman flailing about in
the deep water. Another man was standing on the shore screaming for help.
The fisherman ran over to the man. “Help!” the other man started, “I can’t
swim! My wife’s drowning! I’ll give you $1000 if you save her!”
The fisherman jumps in the water, swims powerfully out to the drowning woman,
puts his arm around her, and swims back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of
the man, the fisherman coughs up water, then says, “[cough] ok, bud, where’s my
‘grand’?”
“But, this is my *mother-in-law*!”
The fisherman reaches into his pocket with a frown and says, “Just my luck.
Ok, how much do I owe you?”
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I don�t know!
Q: How many Poles
Q: How many Poles does it take to change a light bulb?A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!