admin – Page 2687 – Purpee Jokes

The Accident

Posted on February 21, 2016February 21, 2010 by admin

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down
the highway the guy says to the girl, “If I go 100 miles an
hour, will you take off your clothes?” She agrees and he begins
to speed up. When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to strip.
When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her
that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is
thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend
are trapped in the car.

“Go get help.” he pleads. She replies, “I can’t, I’m naked.” He
points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says, “Cover your
snatch with that and go get help.” She takes the shoe, covers
herself, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she
arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, “Help! Help!
My boyfriend’s stuck!”

The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and
replies, “I’m sorry Miss. He’s too far in.”

What was the name of Ronald Reagan’s last…

Posted on February 21, 2016February 21, 2010 by admin

What was the name of Ronald Reagan’s last movie?

– “Partial Recall”

Top Ten Drug Using Cartoon Characters

Posted on February 21, 2016February 21, 2010 by admin

10. Gargamel

Most likely LSD. spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in faggy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. what does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?

9. Olive Oil

Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny?! she might even be anorexic, she IS always giving her burger to her friend. One side question, what the hell are Popey and Brutus thinking? They almost made the list for courting her.

8. Snagglepuss

Can’t explain it. Maybe it’s the name, or the look, but he is suspicious.

7. He-Man

This is an easy one. I mean c’mon. Roid monkey #1. “BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!” Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the shit in his pet tiger. Animal Abuse.

6.& 5.

Yogi and Boo Boo We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip. Another side ? – Are they gay? I mean, take a look at boo boo.

4. Droopy

The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can’t someone slip him an upper every year or two? The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe.

3. Dopey Dwarf

He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement but they are under investigations. Allegations that Doc is writing some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys are partaking are afloat.

2. Daffy Duck

If he isn’t using crack, Merion Barry is clean. He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time. Some symptoms might be from “daffiness” but Haldol wouldn’t work for him. Might for his buddy with Tourettes, Porky though.

1. Shaggy

By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per episode does pot. And Look at the way him and his friends painted that van!

Why does California have the

Posted on February 21, 2016February 21, 2010 by admin

Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey got first pick.

An IBM acronym

Posted on February 21, 2016February 21, 2010 by admin

IBM: I Blame Microsoft.

Es el a�o 3.000 y

Posted on February 21, 2016February 21, 2010 by admin

Es el a�o 3.000 y en un mercado est� un vendedor de cerebros:

“�Cerebros! �vendo cerebros!

Se acerca un hombre y dice: “Una preguntita, �este cerebro cu�nto cuesta?”

“Este vale 50.000 pesos.”

“�Epa!, �de qui�n era?”

“Era de Cervantes.”

“�Y �se?”

“Bueno, �se cuesta 150.000 pesos.”

“�Qu� barabaridad!, �de qui�n era?”

“Ese es el cerebro de Einstein.”

“�Y ese cerebro?”

“�Ah!, ese cuesta 2 millones de pesos.”

“�No es posible!… �de qui�n era?”

“Era de una mujer.”

“�Y por eso cuesta tanto?”

“�claro! �Est� sin estrenar!”

Cookie

Posted on February 21, 2016February 21, 2010 by admin

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Ways to confuse a roommate

Posted on February 21, 2016February 21, 2010 by admin

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.163. Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there’s going to be an earthquake soon. While your roommate is out, trash everything on his/her side of the room. When he/she returns, explain that the earthquake hit, but only on one side of the room.

A pirate walked into a bar

Posted on February 21, 2016February 21, 2010 by admin

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in
a while. What happened, you look terrible!”
“What do you mean? I’m fine.”
“What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my
leg but the Doc fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Oh yeah? Well what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both
hands.”
“We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword
fight and my hand was cut off but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel
great, really.”
“Oh,” said the bartender, “what about that eye patch? The last time you were
in here you had both eyes.”
“One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up
and one of them crapped in my eye.”
“You’re kidding,” said the bartender, “you couldn’t have lost an eye just from
some bird crap!”
“Well, I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”

Women Drivers

Posted on February 21, 2016February 21, 2010 by admin

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver
cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to
drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm
out his window and flipped the woman off.

“Man, that guy is stupid!” I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a
female does anything to me in traffic and here’s why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that’s 96 miles
each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you
just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass
something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.

That’s 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be
982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I
figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass
every day.

Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that’s
18,000.

In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day
of their period. That’s 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as
dissatisfying or unrewarding. That’s 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all
females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That’s
98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That’s 33.

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females
carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one
female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest
problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having
the worst day of her period, and is armed.

Flip one off?

…..I think not.