Postgame party

After the big Super Bowl party, Doug figured he better spend some quality time
with his wife. He climbs upstairs, walks in the bedroom and crawls into bed.

“Alright honey,” he says, “Give me a play you want me to run.”

“How about foreplay?” his wife replies.

“What’s the foreplay?” says Doug.

“You know,” the wife says, “It happens before the two minute warning.”

You might be from the Northwest if…

You might be from the Northwest if you:
Feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

Use the expression “sun break” and know what it means.

Know more than 10 ways to order coffee (and know different parts of town by the espresso joints).

Know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

Feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

Stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the “Walk” signal.

Consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it’s not a real mountain.

Complain about Californians, as you sell one your house for twice its value.

Can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle’s Best Coffee, and Veneto’s.

Know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

Know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, and Willamette.

Consider swimming an indoor sport.

Can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, and Thai food.

In winter, go to work and come home in the dark– while only working eight-hour days.

Never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

Are not fazed by “Today’s forecast: showers followed by rain,” and “Tomorrow’s forecast: rain followed by showers.”

You can’t wait for a day with “showers and sun breaks.”

Have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

Know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.

Can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you can’t see them through the cloud cover.

Say “the mountain is out” when it’s a pretty day and you can actually see it.

Put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

Switch to your sandals when it gets above 60, but keep the socks on.

Have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

Think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

Knew immediately that the view out Frasier’s window was fake.

Buy new sunglasses every year because you can’t find the old ones after such a long time.

Blonde in Vegas

A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out. She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket. She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar. A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her, he said ‘Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?’ She said, ‘Duh! I’m winning here!’