I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign
on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer
wanted them to cross there.
Author: admin
Newspaper Headlings
58 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)
1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies In House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
14. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops Off Shelf 16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe
21. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
23. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in ’84
30. War Dims Hope For Peace
31. If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy
42. Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni
54. Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
55. Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
58. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Something Men Can’t Get…
Why can’t men get Mad Cow Disease?
Because they are all PIGS!
Yo Daddy Is So Poor
Yo daddy is so poor he can’t even pay attention.
True Football Fan
Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting
my favorite team. My seat wasn’t the greatest, so when I
noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I
headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if
the seat was taken. He replied, “No”.
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the
seat I was in. He said, “My wife use to love to come to
these games until she died.”
“Why didn’t you give this seat away to a friend?” I asked.
He replied, “Because they are all at her funeral.”
Full of shit
There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he came across a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat.
He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though and could not get off the ground.
As he looked around wondering what to do, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight.
Unfortunately he was wrong, and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the floor. Dead.
The moral to the story is never fly off the handle when you know you’re full of shit.
yo momma so fat, when she jumped in the ocean…
yo momma so fat, when she jumped in the ocean the tsunami came and knocked asia off the map
Yo mamma so stupid
yo mamma so stupid she took a puzzle back to the store because she thought it was broken
THE LOCK
The temporary Sunday school teacher was struggling to open a combination lock
on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite
remember it. Finally she went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.
The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two
numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he looks serenely
heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and
quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.
The teacher was amazed. “I’m in awe at your faith, pastor,” she said.
“It’s really nothing,” he answered. “The number is on a piece of tape on the
ceiling.”
Wheres Afgahnistan?
(Someone I Know Told Me This)
Its around 2304 and a boy and his son is walking through New
York. The dad stops and goes “Son, right here where I am
standing was where the World Trade Centers were.” the son
asks…”Dad what is the World Trade Center and what happened to
it?” the dad replies…”Well, it was two tall buildings that
went up to the sky and this fucking gay ass son of a bitch named
Osama Bin Laden, sent people out to destroy is by having a plane
fly into each building.” (he demonstrates with his hands)and he
continues on…”Osama lived in Afgahnistan and thats where we
kicked his ass.” the boy curiously asks “Daddy, where is
Afgahnistan?”
Untitled joke
How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, They don’t make Pampers small enough.
Q: How many socialists
Q: How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?A: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an ‘800’ number to order an American light bulb.