Why don’t blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn’t go to 700 degrees.
Author: admin
The price of Love
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25.”
Your momma
Your momma is like a board, flat on all sides and easy to nail.
Honesty is the best policy,
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Blonde Ice Hockey Team?
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training.
Un hombre lleva a su
Un hombre lleva a su mujer a una cl�nica para ser sometida a una intervenci�n quir�rgica. Como fue una larga operaci�n, el tipo regresa a su casa para atender a sus hijos que hab�an quedado solos. M�s tarde, llama a la cl�nica para enterarse del resultado de la operaci�n.
“Buenas tardes, �Qui�n habla?”
“Hola, �es la cl�nica?”
“S� se�or”.
“Le habla Pedro Ripiales. Quiero saber c�mo sali� mi esposa…”
Pero en ese momento, el tel�fono se liga con un taller de reparaciones que estaba hablando con un cliente por el arreglo de una motocicleta.
“Hola, hola, �me est�n oyendo?”
“Perfectamente, se�or. En cosa de dos d�as se la entregaremos”.
“Entonces, �todo va bien?”
“S�, �pero qu� problem�tico fue! La desmontamos toda por dentro. Ten�a much�simas cosas en mal estado, pero ya las cambiamos y dentro de dos d�as va a poder montarla”.
“�Montarla?”
“Sin miedo alguno. Le cortamos el tubo de admisi�n porque lo ten�a muy largo. �Se ve que usted le da duro!”
“Pero, se�or…”
“El desgaste de las paredes nos lo demuestra. Usted deber�a engrasarla m�s a menudo”.
“�Eso es demasiado se�or!”
“Adem�s, debo decirle que su pist�n est� muy usado. No vale nada. Como usted comprender�, le introdujimos un pist�n m�s grueso que el suyo y hemos quedado sorprendidos del resultado. Tambi�n le ampliamos el tubo de escape que estaba abollado”.
“�Del escape?”
“S�, por donde salen los gases. Estaba casi completamente tapado, pero ahora qued� que da gusto”.
“�Pero, qu� mierda?”
“No se inquiete, que ahora todo marcha bien. Yo mismo la prob�. Despu�s la hemos montado siete y con todos se ha portado maravillosamente”.
What’s in a word?
A man walked in to his physician’s office, and asked to be castrated.
“I beg your pardon?” the doctor asked, slightly aghast.
“I’ve thought about this for a long time, and I’ve decided I want to go through with it.” The man says calmly.
“You want to be castrated.” The doctor said, stil not quite understanding.
“Yes. That’s right. I want to be castrated.”
The doctor tried to talk his patient out of the decision, but the man was adamant. He was unwaivering in his desire to be castrated. The doctor, seeing the man was resolute, sighed and put him in touch with a good plastic surgeon.
The surgeon was equally aghast, but after having the man sign a multitude of forms, agreed to perform the procedure.
The day of surgery arrived, and the man was in very good spirits. He was clearly looking forward to being castrated. Everyone was completely puzzled but as this clearly was what he wanted, they all shook their heads and went about the procedure as expertly as they could.
Afterward, the man was taken to recovery. The surgeon came to see him.
“Well, everything went fine. There were no complications. However, I must say I’ve never seen such a foreskin before. I’m surprised you were never circumsized.”
The man snapped his fingers. “THAT’S the word!”
Our present business is not
Our present business is not to exchange compliments but arguments. – Robert Boyle, 17th century chemist
Your so bent
Your so bent you make a roundabout look straight.
Quality Control
This speaks a lot about the quality of Japanese products and their quality standards. They’re still laughing about this at IBM.
Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000.
When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. “We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you.”
Blow it Dry
Why do wemen fart after they pee?
So they can blow it dry.
The truth
One juror overheard saying to another…”You’ll notice that neither the
prosecutor or defense attorney swore to tell the truth!”