A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was
constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor
for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the
lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when
you’re out of the office?”
“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still
feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place
them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Author: admin
Blonde and the car crash
One day a blonde was driving in her car and she had a crash but she was not hurt. A policeman comes up to her and asked what happend she said “I was driving in my car and suddnely trees started coming from no where there was one on my left and I swerved and then one on my right and it went on and on and on. The policeman said “but there is no trees down this road for 30 miles,it was your air freshner swinging back and forth.
Darling
What do you call a man who supports a woman’s career, helps prepare the dinner, bathes the children and earns a six-figure income?
Darling.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.A: “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”
Coming home late
The other night I was invited out for a night with “the girls” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight….”I promise!”
Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way to easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing he’d probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution especially since I was smashed, in order to avoid a conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12 o’clock. He didn’t seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.”
When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, “Oh crap!”, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it’s throat, cuckooed another 3 times,giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.”
sorority girl does in the morning?
What is the first thing a sorority girl does in the morning?
Walks home.
Bill Gates Goes to Hell (version 12,634,957.2)
Bill Gates passes this mortal coil and to nobody’s surprise including his own, arrives in hell.Satan greets him: ‘Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Frankly releasing Windows 95 two years early, would by itself, have landed you here. But enough of that. ‘You’ve arrived on a day when I’m in a good mood, so I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.’Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says ‘I’ll take this option.’ ‘Fine,’ says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan then locks the door.As Satan turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. ‘That was Bill Gates!’ cried Lucifer. ‘Why did you give him the best place of all!’ ‘That’s what everyone thinks’ snickered Satan.’The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn’t!”What about the PC?”It’s got Windows NT!’ laughed Satan. ‘And it’s missing three keys,”Which three?”Control, Alt and Delete.’
Earthly Drug Problems
Earthly Drug Problems
Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles and disciples to an emergency meeting because of the high drug consumption problem all over the earth.
After giving it much thought they reached the conclusion that in order to better deal with the problem, that they should try the drugs themselves and then decide on the correct way to proceed. It was therefore decided that a commission made up of some of the members return to earth to get the different types of drugs.
The secret operation is effected and two days later the commissioned disciples begin to return to heaven. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in the first disciple:
”Who is it?”
”It’s Paul”
Jesus opens the door.
”What did you bring Paul?”
”Hashish from Morocco”
”Very well son, come in.”
”Who is it?”
It’s Mark”
Jesus opens the door.
”What did you bring Mark?”
”Marijuana from Colombia”
”Very well son, come in.”
”Who is it?”
”It’s Matthew”
Jesus opens the door.
”What did you bring Matthew?”
”Cocaine from Bolivia”
”Very well son, come in.”
”Who is it?”
”It’s John”
Jesus opens the door.
”What did you bring John?”
”Crack from New York”
”Very well son, come in.”
”Who is it?”
”It’s Luke”
Jesus opens the door.
”What did you bring Luke?”
”Speed from Amsterdam”
”Very well son, come in.”
”Who is it?”
”It’s Judas”
Jesus opens the door.
”What did you bring Judas?”
”The FBI! EVERYONE AGAINST THE WALL!”
New joke
Joe is walking along a dark street at night when he hears a lot of laughter and shouting from an Irish bar across the road.
Joe thinks, “Hmm…never been in an Irish bar before and I am bored and lonely. I’ll go check it out.”
In he walks, amidst hoots of laughter. He looks up at a stage in the center of the room and sees a man going to the microphone.
He taps the microphone twice and says “42”. Everyone bursts out laughing and he walks off the stage.
Another man comes up and yells “68!” The crowd laughs louder still!
A third man walks up and shouts “12!!”
Joe is quite confused by now so he finds the manager and asks, “Why does everyone laugh when they are only calling out numbers?”
“Well,” says the Manager, “we got tired of saying the same jokes over and over again so we assigned them numbers so each number called out is a joke.”
“Ohh,” said Joe. “Am I allowed a go then?”
“Sure!” the manager exclaimed, So up on to the stage went Joe and yelled at the top of his voice “168”.
The patrons laughed so loudly the room shook. They carried him off the stage and bought him a few drinks.
After that, he went to the manager and asked, “Why was my joke so funny?”
The manager was still chuckling but he said, “Well, they haven’t heard that one before!!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Kermit the Frog
Q: What’s long, green, thin, and smells like pork?
A: Kermits finger!
What was the last gift Bill gave to Monica?…
What was the last gift Bill gave to Monica?
Spot remover.
Too Much Sex
“Doctor, I’ve got this problem,” a man says.
“My secretary, she loves to give blow jobs. Every morning when I get to work I get a blow job. She gives me a quick one before I leave for lunch. And before I leave work at the end of the day, she really works me over.”
“So what seems to be the problem?” the doctor asked.
“Well, you see, my wife is a nymphomaniac,” the man continued. “I service her every morning when we get up.
I go home for a quick half hour everyday at lunchtime and then we have a marathon session each night before we go to sleep.”
“I still don’t know what your problem is,” said the doctor.
“You see Doc, every time I masturbate I get these dizzy spells.”