One day the teacher asked the class tell me is it
noisier then last year in your neighborhood. 70%
said yes and the other30% said I didn`t hear the
quistion.
Author: admin
Michael Moore
The Centers for Disease Control stated that being overweight actually gives you a lower risk of death than being thin.
It was big news in Hollywood.
The next day, Michael Moore’s personal physician diagnosed his condition as immortal.
-Argus Hamilton
The best song ever
this is the best song ever.
On top of mount everest, all covered in chesse
i shot my poor sister, with a red rubber band.
i shot her with glory, i shot her with pride.
how could i have missed her, shes fifty-feet wide.
i went to her funeral, i went to her grave.
some people threw flowers, i threw a granade.
i opened her coffin, she didnt look dead.
so i took a bazooca, a blew off her head!!!!
Circumcise
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Yo mama
Yo mama is like a big mac:
full of fat and only worth a buck.
dumb blondes
10 blondes and 1 brunette were mountain climbing one day. so they were climbing and they got into trouble at a spot one of them had to give up there life so they could continue on so the brunette said i’ll do it so you girls can go on so she jumped to the jagged rocks below (ouch) the dumb blondes felt sorry for the brunette so they jumped of to THE END
El Presidente de la Rep�blica
El Presidente de la Rep�blica al regresar de una de sus giras, y llegar a su vivienda
se da cuenta que en la pared del frente estaba escrito un grafiti:
“El presidente debe morir”, y lo m�s curioso del caso era que estaba escrito con orines.
Asustado, se va a las Oficinas de la Policia y entra gritando: “Hay una amenaza de muerte en la pared frente de mi casa y est� escrito con orines, quiero saber quien lo hizo y quiero saberlo ahora.”
Los agentes de la Policia salen corriendo de la oficina, y horas m�s tarde se presentan donde el presidente y le dicen:
“Se�or presidente tenemos dos noticias, una mala y otra peor, �cual quiere
saber primero?”
“Deme la mala primero”, dice el presidente.
“Se�or, analizamos el ADN de la muestra de orina, los resultados nos indican que la orina pertenece al se�or Vicepresidente.”
“�Oh Dios m�o! me siento traicionado… �mi propio Vicepresidente! Pero y �cual es la peor noticia?”
“Se�or, es que la letra es de su esposa…”
Charlie Brown Specials We’d Like to See
A few years ago, Charlie Brown and the PEANUTS gang made a new friend who developed leukemia in an animated special entitled, WHY, CHARLIE BROWN, WHY?
Recently, MetLife has put out a series of instructional pamphlets which feature the PEANUTS gang dealing with such issues as the loss of a loved one, writing a will, and dealing with a permanent disability. Now that Charlie Brown is dealing with important issues, how about some PEANUTS specials for the kids of the 90s?
* We could learn about V.D. in, IT BURNS WHEN I PEE, CHARLIE BROWN.
* Chuck and the Little Red-Headed Girl find out about unwanted pregnancy in, IT’S BLUE, CHARLIE BROWN!
* Is Linus gay? Find out in, IT’S A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE, CHARLIE BROWN.
* Explore the real problems of child abuse in America in, YOU MADE ME DO THAT, CHARLIE BROWN.
* See how the PEANUTS gang deals with date rape in, NO MEANS NO, CHARLIE BROWN.
* Discover a father’s forbidden love in, IT’S OUR LITTLE SECRET, CHARLIE BROWN.
* The PEANUTS gang gets a lesson in Ebonics in, IMO BUSTA CAP INYO ASS, CHARLIE BROWN.
* What goes on in the mind of a serial killer? Discover the inner workings of Pig Pen’s twisted psyche and meet his murderous alter ego, Mr. Clean in, GOD TOLD ME TO DO IT, CHARLIE BROWN.
* Charlie Brown peddles his body for crack money while stealing Social Security checks and boosting automobiles in GO BLAME SOCIETY, CHARLIE BROWN.
An Asian man walks into
An Asian man walks into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and
walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen, gets $66. He asks
the lady why he gets less money this week than last week.
The lady says “Fluctuations”.
The Asian man storms out, and just before slamming the door turns around
and says “Fluc you clazy Amelicans too!”
Aids or Alzheimers?
A guy takes his ill and aging wife in to the doctor’s office.
After a full examination, the doc tells the guy it’s one of two things.
The Doc says, “Well, it’s either Alzheimers disease or AIDS.”
“What do you mean!” The guy says, “Can’t you tell the difference?”
“Well, says the Doc, the two look a lot alike in the early stages… Tell you what ya do…Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, – don’t have sex with her anymore!”
Son of a bitch
a priest and one of his buddies went fishing one day. the priest caught a big
fish and his friend said that is one big son of a bitch, the priest replied,
“please don’t use that language around me.” his friend said,” no, that is the
name of the fish, a son of a bitch.” so later that day the priest went back to
the church and told the fellow priests about the son of a bitch he caught. they
said, father! you are a priest don’t use that language, so the priest said,” no,
that is the name of the fish, a son of a bitch. so later that night they had
dinner with the bishop and in common dinner conversation the priest mentioned
the son of a bitch that he caught, the bishop surprised told the priest to not
use that language because he is a man of god and not to talk like that in his
prescience. later that week the pope was with them all. they were a little
worried that he wouldn’t know that the fish was called a son of a bitch, but
they talked about it anyway. the bishop fearing the pope would overhear and get
the wrong idea told the pope about the son of a bitch. the pope replied, “hey.
you f****** are alright.”
Your momma so fat
She uses Yankee Stadium as her cereal bowl.