Three men are sailing inthe pacific when they get ship wrecked.SO they swim to the nearest island whichhappens to be the home of a group of cannabals.the leader of the tribe tells each of them to bring back ten of the same fruits. the first man brought back 10 apples then they will have to shove the fruit up their butts. the first man gets 5 in and screams so they kill him.the next man brings back berries he gets to 9 and starts laughingso hard they pop out.the first at second men met up in heaven
the first man asked why he laughed and the second man replied the third guy was coming back with pineapples…
Author: admin
Bigger turkey
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these
turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
Dead.
There was a young man from Belgrave
Who found a dead whore in a cave
It does take some pluck to have a cold fuck
But think of the money you save!!!
sleep in the barn
A police chief, a fire chief, and a city manager were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O’Leary’s cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman’s worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn. This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.
Paper or Plastic?
One day a guy went to a grocery store and the bagger boy asked him “Paper
or Plastic” and the man said, “Uh…paper I guess.”
Then the bagger boy said your total is $56.35.
The man took out his wallet and said “Real or Counterfeit”.
Soft and Mushy …
What goes IN hard and pink and comes OUT soft and mushy??
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Bubble gum …. whate else WOULD it be???
Llega un borrachito a su
Llega un borrachito a su casa, golpea la puerta y le grita a su mujer, “�Mi Amor! �Prep�rate para tres polvos!”
La esposa sale por la ventana y le responde:
“Mi vida, veo que vienes caliente.”
Y el borrachito le responde:
“�No, es que vengo con dos amigos!”
Se acerca un joven al
Se acerca un joven al confesionario:
“Padre, ac�some de que me la jalo mucho”.
Entonces, se escucha una voz que le dice:
“Pues por m� te la puedes arrancar cabr�n; yo soy el carpintero de la iglesia y ando barnizando esta madre”.
Un matrimonio ingl�s. La mujer
Un matrimonio ingl�s. La mujer le pide al marido:
“James, nuestro hijo ha cumplido 16 a�os y creo que deber�as hablarle de hombre a hombre y contarle lo que hacen la vaquita y el toro, la abejita y el abejorro, el perrito y la perrita, etc.”
“De acuerdo, querida”.
A continuaci�n va a buscar a su hijo y le dice:
“John, si�ntate y s�rvete un whisky. T� y yo vamos a tener una conversaci�n de hombre a hombre. �T� te acuerdas, John, c�mo el a�o pasado, cuando estabamos cabalgando cerca del r�o, nos encontramos a dos chicas desnudas ba��ndose y acabamos tir�ndonoslas? Pues bien, tu madre quiere que sepas que eso tambi�n lo hacen las vaquitas, los perritos, las ovejitas…”
in a traight jacket
Q:does a guy in a striaght jacket look harmful that just got out
of prison?
A: yes because thats why he is in the straight jacket.
Un individuo est� vendiendo pericos
Un individuo est� vendiendo pericos en un sem�foro. Llega un tipo en su camioneta del a�o y le pregunta:
“Oye, �cu�nto valen los pericos?”
“�ste vale 10 mil pesos”, mostr�ndole el primer perico.
“Pues, �qu� hace?”, pregunta asombrado el parroquiano.
“Habla ingl�s, franc�s, italiano y sabe contestar el tel�fono”.
“Y ese otro, �cu�nto cuesta?”
“�ste vale 20 mil pesos”.
“Y �ste, �qu� hace?”, pregunta, a�n m�s asombrado, el comprador.
“Habla ingl�s, franc�s, italiano, portugu�s; contesta el tel�fono; baja canciones de Internet y, adem�s, se viste solo”.
“�Ya me imagino que el otro ha de valer m�s! �Verdad?”
“En efecto, se�or, �ste vale 30 mil pesos”.
“�Y qu� hace?”
“No hace nada, pero �stos dos le dicen jefe”.
yu mammmmmaaaa so dumb this is a mammmmmaaaa….
yu mammmmmaaaa so dumb this is a mammmmmaaaa.