A ref calls a holding penelty.The couch runs to the ref and says “That was not holding, it was kicking!”
Author: admin
Methodist
Q: How many Methodist students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None – downtown Fayetteville looks better in the dark.
Best form of Birth Control
What is the best form of Birth Control
Answer: Marriage
New years day
there was 3 men one was American one was a Canadian and one was a Newfe they were in a plain. It was new years eve so everyone decided to celebrate so the American droped a quarter, the canadian droped a loony, and the Newfe droped a bomb. when the American got off and saw a man crying he said why are you crying? A quarter fell out of the sky and killed my cat.The next day the Canadien got off and saw a man crying he said why are you crying? He said a loony fell out of the sky and killed my dog. Next day the Newfe got off and saw a man laughing so he said why are you laughing? He said I farted and my house blew up!
The missionary
A missionary realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how
to speak English, so he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, “This is a tree�. The chief looks
at the tree and grunts, “Tree�. The missionary is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the missionary points to a rock and says, “This
is a rock.” Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, “Rock�.
The missionary is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears
a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of natives
in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The missionary is really flustered and
quickly responds, “Riding a bike�.
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun, and kills them.
The missionary goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years
teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he
kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, “My bike�.
How do tou make a fanny talk?…
How do tou make a fanny talk?
Put a tongue in it.
Quickie
President Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner for a meal. The waitress asks
them what they want. Cheney says he’ll have roast beef. Turning to the
president, the waitress asks, “And what would you like?”
Bush says, “I’ll have a quickie.”
The waitress gets flustered and turns beet red. Finally, she stammers, “I’ve
never been so insulted. I thought sexist comments were a thing of the past!”
Then she stalks off.
Bush says, “Did I say something wrong?”
Cheney replies, “Mr. President, the word is pronounced quiche.”
A
A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Ability is like a check,
Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed.
Jonah and the Whale.
A lady on an airliner was reading her bible. The man sitting next to her gave a little chuckle and asked, “You don’t really believe all that stuff in there do you?”
“Of course I do. It is the Bible.” the lady replies!
“Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?” he asked.
“Oh, Jonah … Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible.” she replied.
“Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?” he asked.
“Well, I don’t really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him.” said the lady.
“What if he isn’t in heaven?” the man asked sarcastically.
“Then YOU can ask him.” replied the lady!
Yo momma so fat I can stand on her belly and …
Yo momma so fat I can stand on her belly and high-five God.
Paper and Plastic
“Paper or plastic?” “Not ‘Not paper AND not plastic!!'” -Augustus DeMorgan in a grocery store