How do you keep the packers away from your house?
Put an endzone in front of it.
Author: admin
Clinton one-liner
The problem with a government-run trust fund is that there is too little of either.
Yo Mama’s So Dumb… brains
Yo’ mama so dumb that if brains were dynamite she couldn’t blow her nose!
A man walks into a
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing, fit to bust. The chemist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, if the man
returns, to follow him.
Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns.
“So did you follow him?”
“I did.”
“And…where did he go?”
“Over to your house…”
Your so bent
Your so bent you make a roundabout look straight.
That’s unfair!
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by
the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw
a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.
“That’s unfair !” he cried. “I have to roast for all eternity, and
that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.” “Shut up!”
barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. “Who are you
to question that woman’s punishment?”
Girl Friend
This boy just takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, “Sweetie, why don’t you give me a blowjob?”
“What? You’re crazy???!!!” “Don’t worry, it will be quick, no problem.”
“No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor…”
“At this time of the night no one will show up.”
“I’ve already said NO, and NO!”
“Honey, it’s just a small blowie… I know you like it too.”
“NO!!! I’ve said NO!!!”
“My love.. don’t be like that..”
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her night gown with hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says.”
Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will comedown and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God’s sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!”
The careful application of terror
The careful application of terror is also a form of
communication.
What’s in a word?
A man walked in to his physician’s office, and asked to be castrated.
“I beg your pardon?” the doctor asked, slightly aghast.
“I’ve thought about this for a long time, and I’ve decided I want to go through with it.” The man says calmly.
“You want to be castrated.” The doctor said, stil not quite understanding.
“Yes. That’s right. I want to be castrated.”
The doctor tried to talk his patient out of the decision, but the man was adamant. He was unwaivering in his desire to be castrated. The doctor, seeing the man was resolute, sighed and put him in touch with a good plastic surgeon.
The surgeon was equally aghast, but after having the man sign a multitude of forms, agreed to perform the procedure.
The day of surgery arrived, and the man was in very good spirits. He was clearly looking forward to being castrated. Everyone was completely puzzled but as this clearly was what he wanted, they all shook their heads and went about the procedure as expertly as they could.
Afterward, the man was taken to recovery. The surgeon came to see him.
“Well, everything went fine. There were no complications. However, I must say I’ve never seen such a foreskin before. I’m surprised you were never circumsized.”
The man snapped his fingers. “THAT’S the word!”
Blow it Dry
Why do wemen fart after they pee?
So they can blow it dry.
Yo mama is dumb
YO mama so dumb I asked her to go get a colored t.v. she said “which color”.
Yo mama
Yo mama so fat that she has to use all the stalls in a public restroom at once.