there this french guy and theres this girl and she said you have to at lest now 3 words in english so there at the airport and he heard take-off so thats one word he said to him self so they went to the zoo and he heard baby zebra so thats 3 words he gos the the girl and he said the word take off z bra baby
Author: admin
Knock KnockWho’s there?Juan!Juan who!Juan to
Knock KnockWho’s there?Juan!Juan who!Juan to hear some more of these?
Who is the boss
Bill walks into a bar and finds his friend Joe sitting on a stool.
“Joe,” Bill said, “I’m glad to see that your wife finally let you out of the house.”
“Things have been different with my wife,” Joe said. “In fact, just the other day, I decided to show her who was the boss.”
“How did you do that?” asked Bill.
“I simply said to her, Mabel, we are going to have it out right now, and I am going to show you who is the boss in this relationship’.”
“What happened?”
“Well I don’t want to brag, but I managed to get her on her hands and knees.”
“How did you do that?”
“I was hiding under the bed at the time.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Editted by Lol_Girl_72
From NewFoundland
A newfie was walking along the road with a sack over his shoulder. A guy comes up to him and says “Michael, what have you got in the bag there?”.
“Chickens”, says the Newfie. The guy says “If I guess how many chickens you’ve got in the bag there, will you let me have one?”
The Newfie replies “If you guess how many I’ve got you can have both of ’em”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Jewell!Jewell who?Jewell remember
Knock KnockWho’s there?Jewell!Jewell who?Jewell remember me once you open the door!
I need a bike
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed his mum’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, ‘I need a man, I need a man.’Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day Johnny came home from school and heard her moaning again. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself and moaned, ‘Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!’
Walking Stick
A man his wife and seven children had been out shopping and were
planning to get a bus home. While waiting for the bus an blind
old man with a walking stick joined them. When the bus arrived
the bus driver told them there was only room for Eight more. So
the man tells his wife to take the children on and he’ll walk
the blind man home. On the way home the blind man kept tapping
his walking stick on the ground and the man said “Could you not
get a piece of rubber for the end of your stick.” The blind man
replied, “if you had of put a piece of rubber on the end of your
own stick we could have got on the bus.”
The Test!
A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks “this guy doesn’t know the difference,” so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!”
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip…same reaction.
But the bartender still doesn’t believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.
He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:
“Shay mishter, tashte this!” The patron obliges…he promptly spits it out.
“That tastes like pee!,” he shoots back at the drunk.
The drunk replies: “It ish. Now how old am I?”
Hung
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
Well hung.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Angel on the Christmas Tree
Not long ago and not far away Santa was getting ready for his annual trip…but there were problems every where… four of the elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule….then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit…
This stressed Santa even more…when he went to harness the reindeer he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out heaven knows where…more stress.
And then, when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards on the sleigh cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered all the toys…so, frustrated Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey…but he found that the elves had hit the liquor cupboard and there was nothing there to drink…and in his frustration he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor… he went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door ..he opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. And the angel said: Santa, where would you like to put this Christmas tree??
And that, my friend, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree…
Light Blonde
A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she’s speeding so she asks the blonde if there’s a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he’s got his lights on. The blonde replies “Yes…No…Yes…No…Yes…No”
The Smelly Guy
There was this Paki, this Greek and this Persian guy and they
wanted to have a contest, a contest for who could stay the
longest in a car with a skunk. The Next day they had the
contest. The Greek guy went in and he came out in about 3
seconds. He came out and said, “O can’t take it anymore.” The
Persian guy went in and came out 5 seconds later and said, “I
can’t take it anymore.” So the Persian guy was winning. The Paki
guy was angry and wanted to win the contest very badly. So he
said there was nothing that was gonna get him out of the car. So
he went in the car and 1 second later the skunk came out and
said, “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!”