How can a woman tell if she is having a super orgasm?
Her husband wakes up.
Author: admin
After buying a used car
After buying a used car the pollock asked his wife to make sure that the
blinkers worked correctly. He got in, turned them on and asked her if they
were working. She replied, “YES NO YES NO YES,……”
The night before Y2K…
‘Taws the night before Y2K,
And all through the nation
We awaited The Bug,
The Millennium sensation.
The chips were replaced
In computers with care,
In hopes that old’ Buggy
Wouldn’t stop there.
While some folks could think
They were snug in their beds
Others had visions
Of dread in their heads.
And Ma with her PC,
And I with my Mac
Had just logged on the Net
And kicked back with a snack.
When over the server,
There arose such a clatter
I called Mister Gates
To see what was the matter.
But he was away,
So I flew like a flash
Off to my bank
To withdraw all my cash.
When what with my wandering eyes
Should I see?
My good old Mac
Looked sick to me.
The hack of all hackers
Was looking so smug,
I knew that it must be
The Y2K Bug!
His image downloaded
In no time at all,
He whistled and shouted,
Let all systems fall!
Go Intel! Go Gateway!
Now HP! Big Blue!
Everything Compaq,
And Pentium too!
All processors big,
All processors small,
Crash away! Crash away!
Crash away all!
All the controls
That planes need for their flights
All microwaves, trains
And all traffic lights.
As I drew in my breath
And was turning around,
Out through the modem,
He came with a bound.
He was covered with fur,
And slung on his back
Was a sackful of virus,
Set for attack.
His eyes-how they twinkled!
His dimples-how merry!
As midnight approached, though
Things soon became scary.
He had a broad little face
And a round little belly,
And his sack filled with virus
Quivered like jelly.
He was chubby and plump,
Perpetually grinning,
And I laughed when I saw him
Though my hard drive stopped spinning.
A wink of his eye,
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know
A new feeling of dread.
He spoke not a word,
But went straight to his work,
He changed all the clocks,
Then turned with a jerk.
With a twitch of his nose,
And a quick little wink,
All things electronic
Soon went on the blink.
He zoomed from my system,
To the next folks on line,
He caused such a disruption,
Could this be a sign?
Then I heard him exclaim,
With a loud, hearty cry,
Happy Y2K to all,
Kiss your PCs good-bye!
Just Trying to See Your Panties
Once there was this little boy and he was really perverted. He
liked to look up little girl’s skirts. One day he had a sucker
with him and he told this little girl that he would give her the
sucker if she would climb to the top of the monkey bars
(Unbeknownst to her, he was gonna look up her skirt). So the
little girl glimbed to the top and the little boy gave her the
sucker.
The little girl walked home that day and her mother immediately
noticed the sucker hanging out of her mouth. Her mother asked
her where she got the sucker and the little girl told her the
story of the little boy and the monkeybars. Her mother was
appalled and she scolded her little girl for falling for the
trick. She said “Don’t you know that little boy was just trying
to see you panties?”
The little girl went to school the next day and the little boy
offered her another sucker in exchange for her climbing to the
top of the monkey bars. She said, “My Mommie told me that all
you wanted to do was look at my panties-and I’m not going to let
you!”
Now the little boy was determined so he offered her a whole bag
of suckers and she accepted. She went home and her mother
scolded her again!
She went to school the next day datermined that the little boy
was not going to see her panties. But, he offered her 2 bags of
suckers and she gave in. That afternoon she went home and her
mother proceded to scold her again. “But mommy,” she said, “I
tricked him, I wasn’t wearing any panties today!”
Kids in the back seat
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
List of Short Books
1) A Guide to Arab Democracies 2) A Journey through the Mind of Dennis Rodman 3) Amelia Earhart’s Guide to the Pacific Ocean 4) Career Opportunities for History Majors 5) Contraception by Pope John Paul II 6) Detroit – A Travel Guide 7) Different Ways to Spell “Bob” 8) Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches 9) Easy UNIX 10) Bulgarian Tips on World Dominance 11) Everything Men Know About Women 12) French Hospitality 13) Bob Dole: The Wild Years 14) How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel 15) Mike Tyson’s Guide to Dating Etiquette 17) Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA 18) Popular Lawyers 19) Staple Your Way to Success 20) The Amish Phone Book
Yo momma
yo momma so fat she jumped in the ocean and all the whales started singing “we are family” writin by hannahwhittiker2003 an victoriawhittiker2004
You are next !
A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blond is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells “No, honey, don’t do it.” The blond replies “Shut up, you’re next.”
Weird Sayings
The best things in life are very expensive.
Good things come to those who are first in line.
The best time to do something is when its too late.
Friends with connections are your best bet for a job.
(All jokes used with permission of Joke Planet. No portion may be reproduced with the exception of the reciever of this data.)
Buy Curtains
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a “dream home”.
Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.
“Joel,” she said, “I don’t like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath.”
“Don’t worry.” replied her husband. “If the neighbors do see you, they’ll buy curtains.”
Multi-syllable words
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?”
Little Johnny waves his hand, “Me, miss, me, me!”
Teacher says “All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?”
Little Johnny says “Mas-tur-bate.”
Teacher smiles and says “Wow, little Johnny, that’s a mouthful.”
Little Johnny says “No, miss, you’re thinking of a blowjob.
I’m talking about a wank.”
Sisters of Mercy
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 km’.
He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign that says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 8 km’ and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right’ his curiosity gets the better of him and he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door saying, ‘Sisters of Mercy’.
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, ‘What may we do for you, my son?’
He answers, ‘I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.’
‘Very well, my son. Please follow me.’
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, ‘Please knock on this door.’
He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup.
This nun instructs, ‘Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.’
He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun’s cup.
He then trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another small sign.
‘Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.’