Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Author: admin
Blind Fight
One day two blind men started fighting.Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them.Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out “I bet 10 bucks on the one with the knife.”Both men ran away.
Farmer’s Daughters Name Game
There was this farmer that was really protective of his three daughters. In fact , he always met their boyfriends at the door with a shotgun. At 5:30 Friday night , there was a knock at the door. The farmer answered it with his gun. The guy at the door said, “Hello, my name is Eddie, I’m here for Bettie, we’re going for spaghetti. Is she ready?”. The farmer paused, then said “Ok, she’s ready” . Another half hour passed and there was another knock. The farmer answered it with his gun again. The guy at the door said” Hello, my name is Joe, I’m here for Flo, we’re going to the show. She ready to go?”. The farmer paused again and said “yeah, she’s ready”. A half hour later, there was another knock. The farmer went to the door with his shotgun. The guy at the door said “Hello, my name is Chuck…..” and the farmer shot him…..
Corporate Lesson 2
Subject: Corporate Lessons
Corporate lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped
and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and
nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand
up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, ‘Father, remember psalm
129?’ The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to
remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further
on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
again Said, ‘Father, remember psalm 129?’ Once again the
priest`apologized.’Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and
went
on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will
find glory.’
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What is the difference between liberalism and socialism?A: Socialism is dead.
Hickory dickory…
There was a woman who wanted bigger boobs.
She went to a doctor to find out if there was another way to get bigger boobs other than surgery.
He replied, “Yes, all that you have to do is say, ‘Oogy,oogy I want bigger boobies’ for 3 hours every day.”
She was walking down the street saying, “Oogy, oogy I want bigger boobies.”
All of a sudden a man walked up to her.
He asked, “Dr. Harris, right?”
“Yes,” she replied. “How did you know?”
The man replied, “Hickory dickory dock!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Yisman
The Find
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and
came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he
called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.
“I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died
of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed.
To which the curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check it out.”
A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You
were right about the mummy’s age and cause of death. How in the
world did you know?”
“Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, ‘10,000
Shekels on Goliath’.”
Daddy’s bird
There was this dad who was so unbelievably shy, and when his little daughter
first saw him naked and wondered what his ‘thingy’ was, he answered; “Well,
err…, ehhh…, that is my little bird it is”. His daughter was baffled by the
fact that men and/or boys were so lucky as to have their own bird, but she was
eventually persuaded and went to bed as any other night.
When the father woke up again, he was experiencing the ultimate, and I mean
really ultimate, pain! His daughter was at his side and he asked;
“Ohhhhhhh, moan, MOAN, moan….. My little daughter, WHAT has happened to
me?”
And the daughter answered;
“Well, I woke up in the middle of the night and decided I wanted to see your
birdy, and well, when I patted it for a while it SPITTED at me. I was *SO* mad
at it, so I wringed it’s head off, broke all the eggs and burnt the nest!”
12 Days of Christmas
Sung to the tune of “The 12 Days of Christmas”
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin tickets
10 a Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 pack of Redman
6 cans of spam
5 FLANNEL SHIRTS….
4 big mo tires
3 shotgun shells
2 hunting dogs
and parts to a Mustang GT…
Skipped Church Latel
One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting. When in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root. At this moment he was almost face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, ”Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a Christian.” And at that instant�the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and said, ”Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!”
Un ejecutivo y su secretaria
Un ejecutivo y su secretaria empezaban a tener una relaci�n amorosa, y el ejecutivo la convenci� de que pasaran el fin de semana en su casa.
“No te preocupes,” le dijo. “Mi esposa est� fuera de la ciudad en un viaje de negocios y no nos molestar�.”
Ya estaban los dos desnudos en el dormitorio del ejecutivo, cuando la secretaria dijo, “�No podemos hacerlo! No estoy usando ning�n anticonceptivo.”
“No hay problema,” dijo �l. “S� donde guarda mi esposa su diafragma.”
De inmediato comenz� a buscar en el ba�o. Despu�s de media hora, regres� al dormitorio hecho una furia.
“�Esa maldita! Se los llev� consigo. �Siempre supe que no confiaba en m�…!”
Big and Hairy
What’s big and hairy and sticks out of your pajamas?
Your head!