Author: admin

Un chino iba a salir

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Un chino iba a salir del pa�s con 100 Kg de coca�na y 1000 d�lares. La polic�a lo detiene y le amenaza:

“Te vamos a llevar con el cabo, �l si te va a dar duro”.

Entonces lo llevan con el cabo:

“�As� que te has querido llevar 75 kilos de coca�na y 750 d�lares? Ahora te las vas a ver con el coronel”.

Al chino lo llevan donde el coronel:

“�As� que te has querido llevar 50 kilos de coca�na y 500 d�lares? Ahora vas a ver el capit�n, �l te va mandar adentro”.

Entonces lo llevan con el capit�n:

“�As� que te has querido llevar 25 kilos de coca�na y 250 d�lares? Ahora te las vas a ver con el mayor, �l si te va a mandar a la c�rcel y a hacer trabajos forzados”.

Entonces lo llevan con el mayor:

“�As� que te has querido llevar 100 gramos de coca�na y 10 d�lares?”

El chino ya no aguanta y reclama:

“Ya, al menos dejal pal pasaje”.

automatic tampon remover

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There was this guy at a baseball game, and he had to go to the bathroom really bad, but the men’s bathroom was all filled up and he couldn’t wait.

He looked over at the girl’s bathroom and there wasn’t a line, so he went in there, entered a stall and sat to go to the bathroom.

He saw 3 buttons. Curious, he pushed the first button and went “ah”. He pushed the second button and went “ooo”. Finally, when he pushed the third and woke up in the hospital he asked, “What happened?”

The doctor said, “Didn’t you know that the third button is an automatic tampn remover?”

Panties

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Mrs. Jones frantically called her doctor, Dr. Smith, and asked, “Doctor, did I happen to leave my panties in your examining room when I was there earlier today?”

Dr. Smith replied, “No. We found no panties here.”

Mrs. Jones answered, “O.K., I must have left them at the dentist’s.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing

Five Surgeons

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Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.
“I think accountants are the easiest to operate on,” said the first surgeon.
“You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”
“I think librarians are the easiest to operate on,” said the second. “You open
them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”
“I like to operate on electricians,” said the third. “You open them up and
everything inside is color-coded.”
“I like to operate on lawyers,” said the fourth. “They’re heartless,
spineless, gutless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable.”
“I like engineers,” said the fifth. “They always understand when you have a
few parts left over at the end…”

Then there was the little girl who hung around…

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Then there was the little girl who hung around the boys Frisbee team at school.
Anytime the Frisbee would get stuck in a tree, she would climb up the tree
and retrieve it.

That evening, her mom asked her what she had done in school, “I had lots of
fun”, she said, “Everytime the Frisbee got stuck in a tree, I climbed up
to get it.”

Her mom was shocked. “Don’t do that anymore!” she warned, “The boys
throw the Frisbee into the trees so they can see your underware when you
climb.”

The next day, the mom again asked how school had gone.

The little girl said “I had fun again. I hung around the team, and
climbed the trees when the Frisbees got stuck. But don’t worry, I didn’t
want the boys to see my underware, so I didn’t wear any!”

Flawless English

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An African chieftain flew to the United States to visit the president. When he
arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One
of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight. The chief made
a series of weird noises….”screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle,
z-z-z-z-“…and then added in perfect English, “Yes, I had a very nice flight.”
Another reporter asked, “Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument
while you’re in the area? The chief made the same noises…”screech, scratch,
honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z”…and then said, “Yes, and I also plan to visit
the White House and the Capitol Building.”
“Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?” asked the next reporter.

The chief replied, “Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z…from the
short-wave radio.”

Get me to church on time

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One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running
so she wouldn’t be late for church. As she ran she kept praying,
“Dear God, please don’t let me be late to church. Please don’t
let me be late to church….” And, as she was running she
tripped and fell. When she got back up she began praying again,
“Please, God don’t let me be late to church — but don’t shove
me either!”