Bribing the Judge

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was
talking to his lawyer. “If I lose this case, I’ll be ruined!”

“It’s in the judge’s hands now,” said the lawyer.

“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”

“No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt
like that would prejudice him against you. He might even
hold you in contempt of court.”

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision
in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the
courthouse, he said to his lawyer, “Thanks for the tip
about the cigars. It really worked!”

Confidently, the lawyer responded, “I’m sure we would have
lost the case if you’d sent them.”

“But I did send them,” replied the man.

“What?” shouted the lawyer.

“I sure did, that’s how we won the case…. Good thing I
remembered to enclose the plaintiff’s business card.”

Still, there are some things a big company…

Still, there are some things a big company can do that a small band of
programmers could never hope to accomplish. This was best shown to me
this week by reader Brian P. McLean, who points out that according to his
Microsoft Outlook 97 scheduling/datebook application, Thanksgiving falls
this year on Wednesday, November 26.

Thanksgiving has always fallen on Thursday before. Wednesday may be an
improvement. I don’t know.

– Robert X. Cringely, from his “I, Cringely” column (November 7, 1997)

Esto es un calvo que

Esto es un calvo que estaba acomplejado con su calva, entonces para ligar se pon�a peluca.

Un buen d�a se lig� a una cegata. Una vez en la casa del calvo la cegata se va al ba�o para quitarse las gafas, en ese momento el calvo aprovecha para quitarse la peluca, cuando la cegata va a tientas a la cama empieza a tocar la cabeza del calvo y exclama:

“�Esta es la cabeza?”

“S�”, contesta el calvo.

“Pues eso se lo vas a meter a tu puta madre.”

Confucius Says

Confucius says:’Passionate kiss, like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.”Virginity like bubble. One prick and all gone.”Man who run in front of car get tired.’ ‘Man who run behind car get exhausted.’ ‘Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.”Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.”Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok.’ ‘Man who scratches arse must not bite fingernails.’ ‘Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money.”Baseball all wrong. Man with four balls not able to walk.”Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.’�War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.”Man who sleep in cathouse by day sleep in doghouse by night.”Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.’ ‘It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.”Man who drive like hell bound to get there.’�Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.’ ‘Man who lives in glasshouse should change in basement.’ �He who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.’ ‘Man who farts in church sits in own pew.’ ‘Man with one chopstick go hungry.’

Woman driver and the trees

A woman driver is heading down the expressway, when all of a sudden the woman sees a tree to her left, a tree to her right, and a tree directly in front of her, so she swerves and hits a guardrail.

Later, a cop arrives and ask her what happened, to which she replied,”I saw a tree to my left, a tree to my right, and a tree directly in front of me!”

The cop says, “Ma’am, there ARE trees on both sides of the road, but the one you saw directly in front of you was your air freshener.”