Author: admin

Dos cientificos se encuentran y pregunt�ndose por sus descubrimientos, uno dice:

“Yo he consegido una simbiosis, he cruzado ladillas con luci�rnagas.”

Y el otro pregunta:

“�Y qu� utilidad tiene?”

“No lo s�, pero tengo unos cojones que parecen Las Vegas.”

A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She prepared her will and made her final arraignments.

As part of these arraignments she met with her rabbi to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted, etc.

She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomindales. “Bloomindales!” the rabbi said. “Why Bloomindales?”

“That way, I know my daughters will visit me twice a week.”

One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn’t feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn’t something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, “I sure hope not. She has morning sickness.”

I, Rambo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre life to the United
States Army because I couldn’t score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the
Air Force, I’m not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won’t take me
because I can’t swim.

I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I
can’t figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24
hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue telling myself that I am a
fierce killing machine because my drill sergeant told me I am, despite the fact
that the only action I ever will see is a court martial for sexual harassment.

I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and
vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After
completion of my sexual — er — I mean, BASIC training, I will attend a
different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did
when I left.

On my first trip home after boot camp, I will walk around like I am cool and
propose to my ninth-grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home, because if
I let her out she might leave me for a smarter, better-looking Air Force guy.
Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.

While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely
nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hours because of
morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to report back to the “COMPANY.” I
understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a
job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from
high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for
college, but will be unable to use it because I can’t pass a placement exam.

So help me God.

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