A psychiatrist’s receptionist comes in and says, “There’s a man out in the lobby who says he can make himself invisible.”
“Tell him I can’t see him right now.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Glaci
Author: admin
The Fixtures
What do you call a room full of lawyers trying to change light bulbs that
is about to explode?
Damn lucky it has so many fixtures.
Condom Slogans
Nike Condoms: Just do it.Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can’t stop.Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.Ford Condoms: The best never rest.Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.Dial Condoms: Aren’t you glad you use it? Don’t you wish everybody did?New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey– you never know.California Lotto Condoms: Who’s next?Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.Lays Condoms: Betcha can’t have just one.Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.The Carl’s Jr. Condom: If it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face…General Electric: We bring good things to life!AT&T condom: ‘Reach out and touch someone.’Bounty: The quicker picker upper.Microsoft: where do you want to go today?Energizer: It keeps going and going and going….M&M condom: ‘It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!’Chevron: use them? people do.Taco Bell: get some; make a run for the borderMCI: for friends and familyDouble Mint: Double your pleasure, double your fun!The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter.Delta Airlines travel pack: Delta’s ready when you areUnited Airlines travel pack: Fly UnitedThe Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone BeforeWendy Condoms: Where’s the beef?Denny’s Condoms: $1.99 Grand SlamMazda Condom: It Just Feels Right!Maxwell House: Good to the last drop!McDonalds condom: Over 99 billion servedHewlett Packard condoms: Expanding PossibilitiesBurger King: Have it your wayDairy Queen: We treat you rightAOL: So easy to use, no wonder it’s #1
Some of our Favorite Headlines…
Some of our Favorite Headlines
“New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group”
“Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft”
“Kids Make Nutritious Snacks”
“Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy”
“Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire”
“Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood”
“Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half”
“New Vaccine May Contain Rabies”
“Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors”
Picture of Wanted Person
One day a bus load of kids went for a field trip. One of the
kids went into the sherrif’s office and saw a picture of a man
with a wanted sign under it. The kid asked the sherrif, “Is that
a real picture of the wanted person?” The sherrif said, “Yes it
is.” Then the kid asked, “Well, why didn’t you put him in jail
when you took his picture?”
The laws of golf
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
Muslim Strip Club
Did you hear what the men say in a Muslim strip club?’Get your face out for the boys…’
Dos amigas est�n platicando sus
Dos amigas est�n platicando sus asuntos:
“�Ay, ya no hallo qu� hacer con mi marido!”
�Por qu�?”
“Mira, se pasa todo el d�a leyendo y a m� �ni me para! Me pongo ropa sexy y �nada! Me paseo desnuda por toda la casa y nada. Me acuesto en posiciones sensuales y provocativas y �l nada de nada. Pero, sabes, el otro d�a fue diferente: me pidi� que me acostara desnuda a su lado; entonces me sob� las tetas, m�s y m�s. Mientras tanto, yo me iba poniendo caliente; luego me fue tocando m�s y m�s abajo; m�s abajo. Luego, cuando llego all�, me meti� el dedo, se lo moj� y paso la p�gina”.
Canniball Joke
Q: What does a canniball do after he dumps his girlfriend?
A: He wipes his butt.
At the inauguration:
President George H.W. and Barbara Bush: “I wish it was Jeb.”
Jeb Bush: “I wish it was me.”
Al Gore: “I wish it was me.”
Bill Clinton: “I wish it was me.”
Hillary Clinton: “I wish it was me.”
Dick Cheney: “It is me!”
George W. “What? The speech? You mean the one about the tax cut? The other
one? Where am I?”
Democrats: “How could the Republicans be so stupid?”
Stupid Republicans: “Why weren’t the Democrats bi-partisan enough to have
conceded the election in July? This speaks ill of them.”
Nader supporters: “He’s just like Gore… only worse.”
Nader: “I can’t tell the difference. Oh, wait! Stop there! These contacts are
much better. There! There’s the difference! Thanks, doc!”
Tipper: “I wish Al wasn’t so bald.”
Buchanan: “A Texan president! They’re letting all of the foreigners in!”
Colin Powell: “Secretary of State is almost like being president. Look at the
influence of Christopher Warren! Look at it!”
Gerald Ford: “And they called me ‘stupid!'”
President Reagan: “Nancy, he’s Bonzo’s son, right?”
Gorbachev, Jr.: “Now is the time to strike!”
This really makes me wish I was a talented comic strip maker.
What do you get when you mix a virgin and…
What do you get when you mix a virgin and a waterbed?
– A Cherry Float!
Speedos
a irishman went to a beach in Austarlia but he never seemed to make it with any girls so he decided to ask the local lifeguard for help.” how do i get all the girls to be attracted to me”? asked the irishman.”well” said the lifeguard.” go and buy a pair of speedos 2 sizes to small and put a fist sized potato inside them. so the next day the irishman came back with his speedos and his potato. every body stared and laughed at him. so the irishman decided to ask the lifeguard why everyone was looking at him. whilst laughing the lifeguard said. ” you are supposed to put the potato in the front not the back”!!!