I went to my friends house and we were cleaning out his room. It was very messy. When we took everything out of under the bed a little green chimp shot me with a 9. i put a band-aid over it and i was just fine. Then we found about 100 pounds of weed in his VCR. We sold it for 10 cents. Never mind we smoked it. We took every thing out of his dresser and there were little people having sex. I guy in there called us peeping toms. That made me mad so i burned them with a ice gun then i crushed them. After we were done we ate a lot of nuts. then we drank a lot of alpple pop. After that some guy was sleeping in his bed i woke him up and he said i was a cock sucking slut who had a pussy witch made me a women. then he shot me with a big bomb. After that i yelled BROWN then i died.
Author: admin
Object
C gives you enough rope to hang yourself. C++ also gives you the tree object
to tie it to.
12 Y.O. Scotch
A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks “This guy doesn’t know the difference,” so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out.
He promptly hollers at the bartender: “I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!”
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip…same reaction. But the bartender still doesn’t believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says: “Shay mister, taste this!” The patron obliges…he promptly spits it out.
“It tastes like piss,” he shoots back at the drunk. The drunk replies: “It is. How old am I?”
Jelly beans
what can jelly beans do that you cant cum in different colors
True Star Wars Fan
Top Ten Signs You’re a True Star Wars Fan
10. When arguing Star Wars against Star Trek, you use the words ‘Star Trek Sissy Boys’ at least 15 times.
9. You believe President Clinton should increase its budget. (I’m sorry, wrong Star Wars!)
8. At a Star Wars collectibles convention, you purchase Gammorean Guard saliva.
7. You waste your time writing Star Wars Top Ten lists. (No comment)
6. You foolishly believe that Lucas will ACTUALLY make more Star Wars movies, when you know he’s just saying that so people will buy the new Star Wars merchandise and books, then in a year he’ll give his famous ‘I don’t feel like it’ speech.
5. You would feed yourself to the rancor if it meant finding out the name of Anakin’s wife.
4. You’d actually want a copy of that lousy Star Wars holiday special.
3. You stick up for Mark Hamill even when you know he’s a bad actor.
2. You shell out 10 bucks for a magazine that describes the planet Tatooine.
1. You have recurring nightmares about Episodes 1-3 being about a dysfunctional family of Ewoks.
Celebrating
A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar.
“Elliot”, she said pointing, “do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?”
The husband looked over and nodded.
“Well”, the woman continued, “he’s been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!”
The husband returned to his meal. “Nonsense”, he said, “that’s not worth celebrating that much!”
“If men can run the
“If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?”
Blonde Suicide
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger
blown off. �How did this happen?� the doctor asked. �Well I was trying to commit
suicide,� the blonde replied. �Trying to commit suicide by shooting your
finger?� �No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, �I just paid
$6,000 for these,� then I put it in my mouth and I thought, �I just paid $4,000
to get my teeth fixed.� So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, �this is
going to make a loud noise,� so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the
trigger.�
Lawyer in Heaven
A couple was driving along the freeway on their way to their wedding when they were in a car accident, and both were killed.
They were met in heaven by Saint Peter and they explained that they were to be married but now they are no longer with the living, but they still wanted to get married.
Saint Peter said, “Let me see what I can do.”
A year passed and Saint Peter returned and informed them that they now could get married.
Six months later the couple went to the Angel and said, “We made a mistake and now we want a divorce.”
Saint Peter said “It took me a year to find a preacher and now you want a lawyer!?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Richest uncle
You might be a redneck if your richest uncle calls you and says he bought a
new house and he wants you to come over and take the wheels off.
America online
Despite the near flawless achievements of nasa’s pathfinder mission, two
things caught my eye:
* There was a potentially significant modem-synchronizing problem between
sojourner and pathfinder early on in the mission. * The first images the mars
pathfinder transmitted back to earth came at a mere 2,250 bps.
Perhaps the scientists at jpl should use a local Internet provider instead of
relying America online, eh?
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.135. Videotape yourself hammering a nail into a wall for a while, and then stopping. Play the tape in your room. Right before the hammering stops on the videotape, look at the screen and say, “Don’t do that.”