A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at a neurosugeon’s house. After a
2-minute job, he demanded $75.
“I don’t charge this amount even though I’m a surgeon.”
“You’re right — that’s why I switched from surgery to plumbing!”
Author: admin
You might be a redneck if
1.you have a picture of your dog in your wallet
2.you wear boots to go to the bathroom
3.Loreda Lynn truly changed your life
4.you proposed at Earls gas station
5.your truck comes from world war 1
6.your teeth have a license to kill
7.you had at least one dog in your wedding
8.you play acky breaky heart for your wedding song.
Upgrade to Wife 1.0
Dear Tech Support:
I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn’t mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Sunday Football 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but de-install doesn’t work on this program.
Can you please help!
Joe.
Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.
Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Whereas Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is impossible to de-install, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but have
ended up with even more problems. (See in manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees). Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best you can.
When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C: IAPOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-key. It may be necessary to run C: I APOLOGISE a number of times, but hopefully eventually the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance program can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying additional software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version) as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash.
Best of luck!
Tech Support
Men’s answers to women’s questions
1. No we can’t be friends, I just want you for sex.
2. The dress doesn’t make you look fat, its all that fucking ice cream and
chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.
3. You’ve got no chance of me calling you.
4. No, I won’t be gentle.
5. Of course you have to swallow.
6. Well yes actually, I do this all the time.
7. I hate your fucking friends.
8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to
you after tonight.
9. I’d rather watch a porno.
10. Eat it??? It took me ten pints to get up the courage to fuck it.
Retirement
Retirement means twice as much husband for half as much money.
Yo mamas so fat
yo mamas so fat that when she goes shopping she goes to the bedwear outlet sale
It’s raining, It’s pouring…
It’s raining, it’s pouring
The old man is whoring,
He jumped in bed,
and got some head,
and didn’t pay up until the morning
Difference between Bill Clinton and his father
Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and his father?
A: Bill Clinton’s father only screwed *half* the country.
“Directions to the floor”
(Q)one blonde and one brunette decide to jump off a roof, Who hits the ground 1st?
(a)the brunette cos the blonde has to stop half way for directions.
The Poor Man Who Slept Like A Rabbit
There once was a poor man walking down the freeway when a farmer
had saw him. The poor man asked the farmer could he stay for the
night and the farmer agreed and told him he could stay in his
daughter’s room. The farmer had asked the man not to touch his 3
daughters and the man said, ” I will sleep like a rabbit during
the night”. The next morning the poor man was on his way and the
farmer asked him how did he sleep and the poor man said he slept
like a rabbit. The farmer was so proud of his daughters that he
told another farmer about the poor man and how he slept like a
rabbit.
The other farmer said, ” Goddamnit he got my daughters and me
the same way because rabbit’s don’t sleep, they go from hole to
hole during the night”
The worm hole!
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.”
The grandfather smiles. “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t.
It’s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.”
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather, impressed with his grandson’s ingenuity, hands him five dollars … then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, “Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?”
The grandfather replies, “Yes, I know. But that’s from your grandma!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Chile!Chile who?Chile out
Knock KnockWho’s there?Chile!Chile who?Chile out tonight!