Author: admin

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.The instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, “A basketball coach?”

Miss Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness
to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and
she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while
she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass
bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all
things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely
Miss Bea had flipped or something! But he certainly couldn’t mention the strange
sight in her parlor.
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried
to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but
soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer. “Miss Bea”, he
said, gesturing toward the bowl,� I wonder if you would tell me about this”
“Oh, yes”, she replied, ” Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall
and I found this little package. It said to put it on the organ and keep it wet,
and it would prevent disease. And you know, I think its working! I haven’t had a
cold all winter!”

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it’s a bad one. Both cars are
totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they
crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re
a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but we are
unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet
and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”
The priest replies, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from
God.” The rabbi continues, �And looks at this. Here’s another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of Morgan David wine didn’t break. Surely
God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”
Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big
swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle,
immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.
The priest asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The rabbi replies, “No…I think I’ll wait for the police.”

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to
walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, “Covert to
Catholicism and get $10.”
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns
to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”
“Abe� replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”
Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”
Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it.”
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty
minutes later with his head bowed. “So,” asks Abe, “did you get your ten
dollars?”
Murray looks up at him and says, “Is that all you people think of?”

It is a teacher’s last day, and all the students want to show
their appreciation for her by giving her a present. The
chocolatier’s son brings her a box of fine gourment truffles,
florist’s daughter brings her a bouquet of flowers, and the
liquor store owner son comes in with a heavy box. The teacher
notices it’s leaking on one side, and takes a drop of the liquid
and tastes it. “Champagne”?” The boy says no. “Brandy”? Again he
says no. Finally the teacher says “I give up. And the liquor
store owners son say’s “a puppy!”