The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake and the waves that were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of passion nearby.One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to whisper, “Darling, am I the first man to make love to you?”Her tone, upon answering, was slightly more than irritable. “Of course you are!” she said, “and the best, too – I don’t know why you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions.”
Author: admin
One Liners
Okay, here are a few more:
What do parsley & pussy hair have in common?
You just brush them aside and keep on eating.
Why did God create women?
Because sheep can’t cook.
What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?
A brunette with bad breath.
What’s the difference between a blonde and an elevator?
Not everyone’s been on an elevator.
Why are blondes like 747s?
They all come equipped with black boxes.
What do blondes use to keep their ankles warm?
Their underwear.
How do Snow White and Pinnochio have a good time?
She sits on his face and says, “Lie! Lie!”
If a pair of lesbians and a pair of gay men had a cross-country car race, who would win?
The lesbians – they’d already be doing 69 while the gays were still packing their shit.
What’s the most commonly heard pick up line in a gay bar?
“May I push in your stool?”
How do you get 4 gay guys on one barstool?
Turn it upside down.
What do you call a gay bar with no seats?
A fruit stand.
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
How many Ken Starrs does
How many Ken Starrs does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it costs forty million dollars, and takes a long time
because he keeps asking about the “screw” part.
Dooby Doobid
Knock-knock…
Who’s there?
Dooby Doobid…
Dooby Doobid who?
AH! A Frank Sinatra fan!
The Priesthood
A man joined the priesthood. The order he joined could not speak for 7 years.
Then they could only say 2 words. The first 7 years passed and they went into a
small room. His 2 words were “too cold”.
The next 7 years passed and they took him back into the small room and his 2
words were “bad food”.
The next 7 years passed and they took him back into the small room and his 2
words were “I quit”.
Good they said, “All you have done is complaining.”
Computers And Blondes
How can you tell a blonde has been on your computer?
Your Joystick is wet.
God’s First Black Person
What did God say when he saw the first black person?
Damnit…I burnt one!
Little Jonny leaves school
A young woman, (a new teacher) was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?”
“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”
“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days.”
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,”What’s so funny Billy?”
“Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters.”
Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe, “I don’t want to see you for three weeks.”
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
“Where do you think you are going?” she asks.
“Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over.”
If you have something to do, and you put it…
- If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough,
chances are someone else will do it for you.
I said…I really mean…
THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH
We need = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron! You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I’ve started my period This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper….. Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead.] Yes = No No = No Maybe = No I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
THE ANSWER TO “WHAT’S WRONG?” ***************************** The same old thing = Nothing Nothing = Everything Everything = PMS again. Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such a pain. I don’t want to talk about it = Go away, I’m still building up steam
THE WOMEN’S GUIDE TO MEN’S ENGLISH: ———————————————————- “I’m hungry” = I’m hungry “I’m sleepy” = I’m sleepy “I’m tired” = I’m tired “What’s wrong?” = I don’t see why you are making such a big deal out of this “What’s wrong?” = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? “Yes, I like the way you cut your hair” = I liked it better before “Yes, I like the way you cut your hair” = $50 and it doesn’t look that much different! “Let’s talk” = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person. “I like that one better” (while shopping) = Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!
Mad Condom
Why did the condom fly across the room?
An It got pissed off!!!
Se realiza anualmente una convenci�n
Se realiza anualmente una convenci�n mundial de ecos y en una ronda estaban un chino, un brasilero y un cordob�s. Entonces el chino comenta:
“All� en China hay una cueva en la que gritas �VIVA CHINA! y como 500 voces te responden �VIVA CHINA!”
Luego dice el brasilero:
“En Brasil hay una cueva en la que gritas �VIVA BRASIL! y como 1000 voces te responden �VIVA BRASIL!”
Y ah� salta el cordob�s y dice:
“All� en C�rdoba hay una grutita chiquita en la que vos gritas �VIVA CORDOBA! y como 50 voces te responden �DEJA CULIAR TRANQUILO!”