Author: admin

Alan and his wife, Debbie, are working in the garden. Debbie bends over to rip up weeds.

‘Wow, Debbie,’ Alan says. ‘Your butt is getting really wide.’

‘No, it’s not!’ Debbie says.

Debbie walks towards the barbecue grill to throw the weeds in a trash can.

‘Your butt is getting so big that it’s almost wider than the grill!’ Alan says.

He gets a tape measure and measures Debbie and the grill.

‘Ha,’ Alan says. ‘Your butt’s the same exact size as the grill!’

Debbie ignores Alan’s comments and refuses to speak to him for three days. On the fourth night, they’re lying in bed watching television.

‘I could sure use some lovin’,’ Alan says.

Debbie looks over at him and yells, ‘Don’t think for one minute that I’m going to fire up this big grill for one little weenie!’

A man returned home deeply inebriated.
“Again, you miserable drunkard,” his wife said. “Just this morning you
promised that you’d stop drinking and would love me.”
“Right,” the husband said. “I’m really sorry. I promise to love you. I need
though one drop of vodka, the last one.”
The wife sighed and poured a slug of vodka into a glass. The man gulped it,
and then fell silent. After a while he said, “My dear, to strengthen our love, I
really need one more slug…”
In despair, the wife ran to the balcony and shouted, “My God, is there at
least one real man in this building?”
From the next door apartment a voice sounded, “Why, do you have some vodka
there?”

“Equal” is not always synonymous with “the same.” Men and women are created
equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same.
1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw
a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the
nose.
2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she’ll look
just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy
in his Easter Sunday best, and he’ll somehow find every mud puddle from your
home to the church, even if you’re driving there.
3. Boys’ rooms are usually messy. Girls’ rooms are usually messy, except it’s
a good smelling mess.
4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has
made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.
5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and
play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to
tear off their appendages.
6. Boys couldn’t care less if their hair is unruly. If their bangs got cut a
quarter-inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two
weeks than be seen in public.
7. Baby girls find mommy’s makeup and almost instinctively start painting
their face. Baby boys find mommy’s makeup and almost instinctively start
painting the walls.
8. If a girl accidentally burps, she will be embarrassed. If a boy
accidentally burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches.
9. Boys grow their fingernails long because they’re too lazy to cut them.
Girls grow their fingernails long – not because they look nice – but because
they can dig them into a boys arm.
10. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys
are attracted to dirt.
11. By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses. By the age of 6,
girls will stop giving their dad kisses unless he bribes them with candy.
12. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk, they learn how to
make machine-gun noises.
13. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry if you turn off
the VCR after they’ve watched “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movie three times
in a row.
14. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.