Your mammas so fat when she layed a green turd all the chinese screamed “AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Godzilla!!!!!
Author: admin
Hair Loss
Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox?
Mosquito and camel
What did the mosquito say when he saw a camel’s hump?
Gee, did I do that.?
Your MOMA is so FAT!
Your MOMA is so Fat, she fills up the Tub, and then turns on the water!
Nuclear Engineer’s Cookie Recipe
Nuclear Engineer’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe:
Ingredients:
1) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated
protein
9) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an
overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add
ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a
second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating
at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the
mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight,
followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in
reactor
#1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with
constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the
reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result
of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the
mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a
460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank &
Johnston’s first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or
until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the
sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come
to equilibrium.
How shit happens!
In The Beginning was The Plan.
And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without form
And the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness was
upon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves,
saying… “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.”
And the workers went unto their Supervisors and
sayeth, “It is a pile of dung and none may abide the odor thereof.”
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,
“It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that
none may abide by it.”
And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth, “It is a
vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength.”
And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,
“It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong.”
And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto
them, “It promotes growth and is very powerful.”
And the Vice Presidents went unto the President and sayeth unto him,
“This new Plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of
this Company, and in these areas in particular.”
And the President looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good,
and the Plan became Policy. This Is
How Shit Happens.
Bam!
Once there were 3 hunters. one day, 1 of the hunters comes with a buck. the other 2 ask him,” how did you get that buck?” he replied, ” i followed the tracks, i followed the tracks. bam! i shot a buck.” the next day, another of the hunters came with a doe. the last hunter asked,: how did you get that doe?” ” i followed the tracks, i followed the tracks. bam! i shot a deer!” the next day, the last hunter came back with bumps and bruises. the other 2 hunters ask,” how did you get those bumps and bruises?” he replied, ” i followed the tracks, i followed the tracks. bam! i got hit by a train!”
Eggs
I like eggs
Top 16 signs you hired a bad firewokrs expert
1> For kicks, sticks roman candle in empty eye socket and chases kids around. 2> Insists on humming the “Mission Impossible” theme every time he lights a fuse.3> He wants to know if he can “borrow” your dog for the finale.4> Offers 20% discount if Salman Rushdie attends your event.5> Tied a monkey to a skyrocket “so’s I can get me a grant from NASA!”6> Theme of the fireworks display: “The Jihad Against the Beer Swilling Pigs Begins”7> He finally shows up on July 6th smelling like a refinery.8> Big 4th of July show ends with 50-foot tall sparkling message: “Happy Bar Mitzvah, Howie Goldfarb.”9> Asks if he should shoot off Quaker Puffed Rice or Oats when the 1812 Overture begins.10> The punk he keeps trying to light has orange hair and a nose ring.11> Wants to synchronize the 4th of July display to Jimmy Buffett’s “Cheeseburger in Paradise.”12> Can’t launch the ol’ rocket in front of an audience, if you know what I mean.13> His grand finale involves pork & beans and a Bic lighter.14> Teaches the kids to free up their hands by lighting fireworks in their mouth.15> His degree, from the Wyle E. Coyote Demolition Academy, is an *honorary* degree.16> Business card reads, “Sponsored by St. Luke’s Burn Unit”
Duh!
Q: How do you recognize a blonde at the airport?
A: She’s the one throwing bread at the airplanes.
The laws of golf
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).
Money is better than poverty,
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.