There are 3 girls and a dad. One girl named Rose asked her dad “Why did you call me Rose?”
Dad replies: “When you were born a rose pedal fell on your head.”
The next girl named dandylion asked her dad “Why did you name me Dandylion?”
Dad replied:”Because when I looked out the window when you were born a saw a ton of Dandylions.”
Then the girl after that said to her dad “Daddy,why.” (with a retarted speech impediment voice)
Dad replied: “Shut up cement block.”
Author: admin
The Lord Provides
Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising.
Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them. “No, thank you,” Mrs. Watkins replied. “The Lord will provide.” The men shrugged and rowed on.
By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up. “Don’t trouble yourself,” she told him. “The Lord will provide.”
Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, “The Lord will provide.”
So the boat left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.
Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demanded to speak to God. “What happened?” she cried.
“For cryin’ out loud, lady,” God said, “I sent three boats!”
Dog Days
What do you get when you cross a dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver!
What do you get when
What do you get when you cross a Black with a Japenese?
Someone who on December 7th, gets an uncontrollable urge to attack Pearl
Bailey.
Job well done!
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, “Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?”
He said, “I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight.” She smiled at him and said, “So what are you thinking now?”
He said, “I think I did a pretty good job!”
English horn joke
Q: What’s the name of a good English horn player?A: I’ll tell you when I meet one.
Crazy Aunt Maud
Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into
floods of tears.
“What’s the matter?” asked her companion.
“Oh dear�, sobbed Auntie, “It’s my favorite nephew. He’s got three feet.”
“Three feet?” exclaimed her friend.
“Surely that’s not possible?”
“Well,” said Auntie, “his mother’s just written to tell me he’s grown another
foot !”
When Clinton Dies
President Clinton finishes his time on earth and approaches the Pearly Gates
of Heaven.
“And who might you be?” inquires St. Peter.
“It’s me, Bill Clinton, formerly the President of the United States and Leader
of the Free World.”
“Oh… Mr. President! What may I do for you?” asks St. Peter.
“I’d like to come in,” replies Clinton.
“Sure,” says the Saint. “But first you have to confess your sins. What bad
things have you done in your life?”
Clinton bites his lip and answers, “Well, I tried marijuana, but you can’t
call it ‘dope-smoking’ because I didn’t inhale. There were inappropriate
extramarital relationships, but you can’t call it ‘adultery’ because I didn’t
have full ‘sexual relations.’ And I made some statements that were misleading,
but legally accurate, but you can’t call it ‘bearing false witness’ because, as
far as I know, it didn’t meet the legal standard of perjury.”
With that St. Peter consults the Book of Life briefly, and declares, “OK,
here�s the deal. We’ll send you somewhere hot, but we won’t call it ‘Hell.
You’ll be there indefinitely, but we won’t call it ‘eternity.’ And when you
enter, you don’t have to “abandon all hope”; just don’t hold your breath
waiting for it to freeze over!
Liquor Cabinet
What do you call a closet full of lesbians?
Liquor Cabinet.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Black and White, and Red all over?
What is Black and White, and Red all over?
Answer: A Skunk with a diaper rash.
Un hombre quer�a demostrar a
Un hombre quer�a demostrar a su esposa que las mujeres hablan m�s que los hombres, as� que le mostr� un estudio que dec�a que los hombres usan en promedio s�lo 15,000 palabras al d�a, mientras que las mujeres usan 30,000 palabras al d�a.
Ella lo pens� un momento y luego le respondi� a su marido que las mujeres usan el doble de palabras que los hombres porque siempre tienen que repetir todo lo que dicen.
El marido dijo: “�Qu�?”
Dumb Blondes
How do you keep a blond at home?
Build a circle drive!
Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side!