Why does miss Piggy douche with honey??Cause Kermit likes sweet and sour pork!! lol
Author: admin
Dos compadres terminan una kilom�trica
Dos compadres terminan una kilom�trica borrachera y, por miedo al enojo de sus mujeres, deciden rentar un cuarto de hotel para descansar hasta que se les baje la embriaguez. Sin embargo, solamente consiguen un cuarto con una cama donde deciden pasar la noche. A eso de las tres de la ma�ana le dice un compadre al otro:
“Compadre, �no te duele la cabeza?”
“No, �por qu�?”
“�Porque ah� te va el resto!”
Bye-Bye Doggie
One day a community decided that they wanted to find out who’s got the most talented dog. So three people showed up. When the judges were ready, they asked a young boy with a golden retriever, “What can your dog do?” The boy replied,”My dog can sit and stick his head out the window without drooling.” Then a second girl came in with a poodle and said, “We’ll my dog can shake hands and stick her head through the car window and sing!”
While they were arguing over whose dog’s the best, a boy walked in the room crying, holding a collar in his hand, but no dog was with him. The judges said, “Where’s your dog?” The boy said, “He stuck his head out the window.”
The Very Special Parrot!
A man walked into a pet store looking for a new pet for his wife.
So he asked the salesman for some assistance. The salesguy brought the man to a parrot in the back.
“Now this is the perfect pet for your wife, Chet is an very special animal” the salesman said.
“What makes him so special?” the man asked.
The salesman took a lighter from his pocket and held it under the Chet’s right foot, and Chet started to sing “Jingle bells, jingle bells..” and then the salesman held the lighter under is left foot and Chet started to sing “Deck the halls…”
So the man asked, “What happens if you hold the lighter between his feet?”
“Well I don’t know” answered the salesman.
So he holds the lighter between the parrot’s legs and instantly Chet began to sing…
“Chet’s nuts roasting on an open fire…”
Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school
Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?
A: If they sent her to a public school, the secret service would be
out-gunned!
Premature
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.
In response the doctor said, “When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself”.
One the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already naked. He’s so horney and keen to try out his new ‘system’ that he doesn’t think twice and leaps on board.
After a few minutes ‘slap and tickle’, they find themselves in the ’69’ position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor’s orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, “How did it go?”
The man answered, “Just great, asshole…when I fired the pistol my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my dick and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!”
Face cream
there was man walking down a road on his way to a shop,he meets his old budy and they become friendly after sometime his buddy tells him i will give you 500 dollars if you remove your clothes walk into the shop and buy some two choclates, he agrees and strips handing over his clothes to his buddy,he goes into the shop and buys the two choclates but finds his pal gone with his clothes. after some time three ladies pass by and see him he stands still not moving at all,one of the girls go hey look at the candy machines they make these days,so the first girl puts a coin into his mouth and shkes his dic,the second lady did the same and walks with her candy the third girl also did but since the guy just bought only 2 choclates,nothing happened,so the lady tryed again and again, later her friends ask her if she got any candy,she said no, but they give a lot of face cream.
what do u get when blondes r in a bubmereen?
There are a lot of blonds in a submereen how do you drownd
them?knock on the door.
You Might Be A Minnestan If…..
l. You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling
through l8 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping the
food will swim by.
2. You are proud that your state makes the national news 96
nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot
in the nation.
3. You have ever refused to buy something because it’s too
“spendy.”
4. You think a basketall team consists of twelve white boys.
5. You’re a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU.
6. Your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through
February.
7. You instinctively walk like a penguin for three months out of
the year.
8. Someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don’t work
there.
9. Your dad’s sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle
of his forehead.
l0. You have ever apologized to a telemarketer.
1l. You may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of
Lutefisk.
l2. You have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
l3. You have either a pet or a child named “Kirby.”
14. Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
l5. You have ever had an entire telephone conversation with
someone who dialed a wrong number.
l6. You know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, and Shakopee.
l7. You grew up thinking rice was only for dessert.
l8. You think that ketchup is a little too spicy.
l9. Your daily meals are breakfast, dinner, and supper.
20. Every January, from age 2 to l3, you let your older siblings
talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post.
2l. You consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a
breakfast dish when it is filled with fruit, a salad when it has
shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a dessert when
topped with Dreamwhip.
22. You never had to rewind any part of “Fargo” because you
missed some of the dialogue.
23. You always believed that vacation meant “going up north.”
24. Your town has an annual festival honoring a fruit,
vegetable, or ethnic food.
25. The first time you saw “Grumpy Old Men,” you thought it was
a=20 documentary.
26. You can recite, from memory, more than a half-dozen “Ole and
Lena” jokes.
27. Every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a
dancing bear, and sing, gently, “From the land of sky-blue
waters…Hamm’s-the beer refreshing…”
28. Your dog dies, your spouse leaves you, you lose your job,
and your car breaks down, all on the same day, and your first
thought is,”It could be worse.”
Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
bus stop
An asian walks up to a jew waiting at a bus stop and says ,can you tell me when the next bus is due.
The jew says ten minutes time you mother fukka.
donkeys,and onions
What do you get when you cross a purple onion with a donkey? A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!