Pickup lines

‘The word of the day is legs. Let’s go back to my place and spread the word…’

‘Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?’

‘I like every bone in your body especially mine… ‘

‘My face is leaving in 15 minutes be on it…’

‘Why don’t you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?’

‘I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I sure can make your bed rock…’

‘Is that a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them?’

‘When does your centerfold come out?’

‘So do ya wanna see something really swell?’

‘Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get…’

‘You’re like Pringles once I pop you, I can’t stop you…’

‘You have great legs, what time do they open?’

‘If you were a car door, I would slam you all night long…’

Stolen car

A man walked out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A street cop on his beat sees the guy and approaches him.

“Can I help you, sir?” said the cop.

“Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!” the man replied.

The policeman asked, “Where was the car the last time you saw it?”

“It wassss at the end of thisss key,” the man replied.

About that time, the officer looked down to see that the man’s dick was hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asked the man, “Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?”

The man looked down woefully and without missing a beat, moans, “Oh, God. They got my girlfriend too!”

Submitted by Frodo
Edited by Yisman

En un vuelo M�xico-Los �ngeles,

En un vuelo M�xico-Los �ngeles, despu�s de un suave despegue y cuando la nave alcanza la altitud adecuada, el capit�n informa por el intercomunicador:

“Damas y caballeros, les habla el capit�n �caro Buenrostro. Bienvenidos al vuelo 127, M�xico-Los Angeles, con escala en la ciudad de Tijuana. Las condiciones clim�ticas son excelentes y, por lo tanto, esperamos un tranquilo y agradable vuelo… �Oh, por Dios!…”

La comunicaci�n se interrumpe y despu�s de unos minutos, el capit�n vuelve a hablar por el intercomunicador:

“Damas y caballeros, les ofrezco una disculpa si los asust�, pero mientras les hablaba, una azafata derram� una taza de caf� caliente sobre mi persona. �Deber�an ver la parte delantera de mis pantalones!”

Uno de los pasajeros dice:

“Eso no es nada… �usted deber�a ver la parte trasera de los m�os!”

I Can Not Tell The Name

Tommy O’Connor went to confession and said, “Forgive me
father for I have sinned.”

“What have you done Tommy O’Connor?”

“I had sex with a girl.”

“Who was it, Tommy?”

“I cannot tell you father, please forgive me for my sin.”

“Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?”

“No father, please forgive me for my sin but I cannot
tell you who it was.”

“Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?” “No father, please
forgive me for my sin.”

“Well then it has to be, Sarah Martha O’Keefe.”

“No father, please forgive me, I cannot tell you who it
was.”

“Okay, Tommy go say 5 Hail Mary’s and 4 Our Fathers and
you will be abolished of your sin.”

So Tommy walked out to the pews where his friend Joseph
was waiting.

“What did ya get?” asked Joseph.

“Well I got 5 hail Marys, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads.”

Little Lucy

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her pet cat lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could. “I’m afraid Tiddles is dead Lucy”.

“So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that Daddy?” asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied, “Tiddles’ legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float downfrom heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven”.

Little Lucy seemed to take her cats death quite well. However two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: “Mummy almost died this morning”.

Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, “How do you mean Lucy?”

“Well”, mumbled Lucy, “soon after you left for work this morning I saw mummy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting “Oh Jesus!!! I’m coming, I’m coming!!!” and if it hadn’t been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy”.

Saggy Tits

A rather fat woman with a sagging figure was vacationing in Florida. She goes into a shop and buys a bikini.The next day she comes back and wants to return the bikini top and get half her money back.The clerk says, “But you need the top too.”The woman replies, “No, I don’t. I can get everything into the bottom.”