Yours Fun Portal !
20> SixPac Shakur
19> The Dixie Bizznitches
18> Hay-Z
17> ODV (Ol’ Dirty Varmint)
16> Whoa Nelly!
15> Coolio-lay-dee-hooo!
14> Mixmaster Merle
13> N.R.A.
12> C. Twitty
11> Snoop Hounddy Houndd
10> DJ Jazzy Jeb and the Fresh Prince of Cheyenne
9> The Bestiality Boys
8> Ma-Rule
7> Ol’ Dirty Haggard
6> 2 Live Chickens
5> Dudicris
4> DJ Dolly P. and Her Notoriously B.I.G. Ones
3> Shaniqua Twizzain
2> Ron’s GMC
1> 50 Cent Haircut
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home.
At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife, “Jen, is the cat there?”
“Yes,” the wife answers, “why do you ask?”
Frustrated, the man answered, “Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I’m lost and need directions.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Why don’t women have any brains?
Because they don’t have any testicles to put them in.
“I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I
have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could
converse with those people.” — J. Danforth Quayle
“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” — J. Danforth
Quayle
“Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a
mother and child.” — Vice President Dan Quayle
“Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“Mars is essentially in the same orbit… Mars is somewhat the
same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen
pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there
is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we
can breathe.” — Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89
“What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is
being very wasteful. How true that is.” — Vice President Dan
Quayle
“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I
mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century.
I didn’t live in this century.” — Vice President Dan Quayle,
9/15/88
“I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom
and democracy – but that could change.” — Vice President Dan
Quayle, 5/22/89
“One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice
president, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.” — Vice
President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89
“May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world.”
— The Quayles’ 1989 Christmas card. [Not a beacon of literacy,
though.]
“Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.” — Vice
President Dan Quayle, 11/30/88
“We don’t want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.” —
Vice President Dan Quayle
“I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good
judgements in the Future.” — Vice President Dan Quayle
“The future will be better tomorrow.” — Vice President Dan
Quayle
“We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the
world.” — Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/21/88
“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive
positions and have a tremendous impact on history.” — Vice
President Dan Quayle
“I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.” — Vice
President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89
“We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We
have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe.” —
Vice President Dan Quayle
“Public speaking is very easy.” — Vice President Dan Quayle to
reporters in 10/88
“I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.” — Vice
President Dan Quayle
“I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.” — Vice
President Dan Quayle
“A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to
the polls.” — Vice President Dan Quayle
“When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the
riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and
simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame.
Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.” —
Vice President Dan Quayle
“Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not
having it.” — Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/20/92 (reported in
Esquire, 8/92)
“Murphy Brown is doing better than I am. At least she knows she
still has a job next year.” — Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/18/92
“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not
occur.” — Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/22/90
“For NASA, space is still a high priority.” — Vice President Dan
Quayle, 9/5/90
“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our
children.” — Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/18/90
“The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that
Dan Quayle may or may not make.” –Vice President Dan Quayle
“We’re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten
you on the mistakes we may or may not have made.” –Vice
President Dan Quayle
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” — Vice
President Dan Quayle
“[It’s] time for the human race to enter the solar system.” —
Vice President Dan Quayle
You’re a redneck if …. Your grandmother has ever stopped by the side of a
highway to take a leak.
Some quick thinking to get out of the “caught napping jam!”…
They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout again!
I wasn�t sleeping! I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?
Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem!
I wasn�t sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without using my hands.
The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Stu!Stu who?Stu late to ask questions!
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.91. Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you’ve been having terrible nightmares.
A: A watch dog.
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place.
While they were walking through the barn, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by.
The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes, and say something.
Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, no and mumble a reply.
Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, ”The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, yes, it was.
The men would ask, ‘You wanna sell that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.”
Submitted by blueindiansquaw
Edited by Curtis
Who are the five most constipated men in the Old Testament?
1) Cain wasn’t Abel.
2) Moses went up onto the mountain and took two tablets.
3) King David sat on the throne for forty years.
4) Solomon – neither heaven nor Earth could move him.
5) Noah was at sea for forty days and forty nights and all he passed was water.
Your Momma is so fat pluto does
not exist any more!